Gaius Petronius Arbiter was a friend and advisor to Emperor Nero. He was an expert in matters of taste and elegance. Like so many of Nero’s friends and family, he died by order of the emperor. His tastefully accomplished suicide is described by Tacitus in his
Annals. Petronius was a rather shadowy historical figure. He may or may not have been the same person as Titus Petronius Niger. His only surviving work of literature is the fragmentary
Satyricon—a scurrilous but hilarious picaresque relating the adventures of Encolpius, the narrator, and his slave and possibly also boyfriend, Giton. The section in this translation is from a famous passage called “Trimalchio’s Feast.” Trimalchio is a former slave, now a freedman, who is fantastically wealthy and who throws incredibly expensive dinner parties/orgies that display egregiously bad taste. The narrator of this story within a story is Niceros, a guest whom Trimalchio has charged with telling an entertaining story.
Satyricon
by Gaius Petronius Arbiter
61
“When I was still a slave, we were living in a narrow street. The house is now Gavilla’s. There, as the gods willed, I fell in love with the inn-keeper’s wife. You all had known her as Melissa of Tarentum, a most adorable dumpling. But by Hercules, I didn’t care for her in a carnal way, or as a sex object, but more because she was good-natured. If I asked anything from her, it was never refused. If she made a penny, I had a ha’penny. If I entrusted anything to her pocket, I was not ever deceived. Her partner passed away at the farmhouse. And so, strapping on my shield and greaves, I put a plan in motion to get to her by hook or by crook. However, you know that in tight spots, friends show up.
62
“By chance the master had gone away to Capua to sort out some complicated mess. This gave me the opportunity to persuade our guest to come with me to the fifth milestone. He was a soldier and brave as hell. We hit the road around cockcrow. The moon was shining like noon. We came to the grave monuments. My man began to make his way to the inscribed tombstones. I sat, singing and counting the graves. Then when I looked back at my companion, he stripped and put all of his clothing next to the road. My heart was in my throat. I was standing there as if dead. He urinated around his clothes and suddenly became a wolf. Don’t think that I am joking. I wouldn’t lie for any sum of money. As I was saying, when he became a wolf, he began to howl and fled into the forest.
“At first I didn’t know where I was, then I went to where he had been in order to pick up his clothes, but they had turned to stone. I thought I would die of fear. I drew a sword and killed ghosts all along the road until I arrived at my girlfriend’s farmhouse. I entered like a phantom, my spirits almost boiling away. Sweat was pouring down my legs. My eyes were dead. I could scarcely be revived. My Melissa began to wonder because I was out walking so late, and she said, ‘If you’d come earlier, at least you might’ve helped us. A wolf got in and attacked all the livestock, making them bleed just like a butcher. Nevertheless, he didn’t get the last laugh, even though he escaped, since our slave pierced his neck with a lance.’ When I heard these things, I was no longer able to sleep, but at dawn, I fled home to our master, Gaius, just like a cheated bartender. After I came to the place where the clothing had been turned to stone, I found nothing except blood. Indeed, when I came home, my soldier was lying in bed like an ox, and a doctor was treating his neck. I realized that he was a werewolf. I was not able to break bread with him afterwards, not even if you’d threatened to kill me. Others may think whatever they want about this. If I’m lying, may I be haunted by your guardian spirits.”
————————
Edits:
§61L3: did not > didn’t
§61L6: I put together a strategy to get to her. > I put a plan in motion to get to her by hook or by crook.
§62L6: Do not think > Don’t think . . . .I would not lie > I wouldn’t lie
§62L8: At first I did not know > At first I didn’t know
§62L9: along the whole road > all along the road
§62L11: extinguished > dead
§62L12: If you had come earlier, at least you might have helped us. A wolf entered >
If you’d come earlier, at least you might’ve helped us. A wolf got in
§62L13: he did not get the last laugh > he didn’t get the last laugh. . . .for our slave > since our slave
§62L15: where the clothing was turned to stone > where the clothing had been turned to stone
§62LL15-16: when I actually came home > Indeed, when I came home
§62L18: not even if you had killed me. > not even if you’d threatened to kill me.
Original Latin
(from Perseus Project—corrections in square brackets)
Satyricon
G. Petroni Arbitri
61
“Cum adhuc servirem, habitabamus in vico angusto; [nunc] Gavillae domus est. Ibi quomodo dii volunt, amare coepi uxorem Terentii [cauponis]: noveratis Melissam Tarentinam, pulcherrimum bacciballum. Sed ego non mehercules corporaliter illam aut propter res venerias curavi, sed magis quod benemoria fuit. Si quid ab illa petii, nunquam mihi negatum; fecit assem, semissem habui, in illius sinum demandavi, nec unquam fefellitus sum. Huius contubernalis ad villam supremum diem obiit. Itaque per scutum per ocream egi aginavi, quemadmodum ad illam pervenirem: scitis autem, in angustiis amici apparent.
62
“Forte dominus Capuam exierat ad scruta scita expedienda. Nactus ego occasionem persuadeo hospitem nostrum, ut mecum ad quintum miliarium veniat. Erat autem miles, fortis tanquam Orcus. Apoculamus nos circa gallicinia, luna lucebat tanquam meridie. Venimus intra monimenta: homo meus coepit ad stelas facere, sedeo ego cantabundus et stelas numero. Deine ut respexi ad comitem, ille exuit se et omnia vestimenta secundum viam posuit. Mihi anima in naso esse, stabam tanquam mortuus. At ille circumminxit vestimenta sua, et subito lupus facta est. Nolite me iocari putare; ut mentiar, nullius patrimonium tanti facio. Sed, quod coeperam dicere, postquam lupus factus est, ululare coepit et in silvas fugit.
“Ego primitus nesciebam ubi essem, deine accessi, ut vestimenta eius tollerem: illa autem lapidea facta sunt. Qui mori timore nisi ego? Gladium tamen strinxi et in tota via umbras cecidi, [donec] ad villam amicae meae pervenirem. Ut larua intravi, paene animam ebullivi, supor mihi per bifurcum volabat, oculi mortui, vix unquam refectus sum. Melissa mea mirari coepit, quod tam sero ambularem, et ‘Si ante’ inquit ‘venisses, saltem nobis adiutasses; lupus enim villam intravit et omnia pecora perculit, tanquam lanius sanguinem illis misit. Nec tamen derisit, etiam si fugit; servus enim noster lancea collum eius traiecit.’ Haec ut audivi, operire oculos amplius non potui, sed luce clara Gai nostri domum fugi tanquam [caupo] compilatus, et postquam veni in illum locum, in quo lapidea vestimenta erant facta, nihil inveni nisi sanguinem. Ut vero domum veni, iacebat miles meus in lecto tanquam bovis, et collum illius medicus curabat. Intellexi illum versipellum esse, nec postea cum illo panem gustare potui, non si me occidisses. Viderint alii quid de hoc exopinissent; ego si mentior, genios vestros iratos habeam.”
Crib
61
“When I was still a slave, we were living in a narrow street; the house now is Gavilla’s. There, as the gods willed, I began to love the inn-keeper’s wife; you all had known her as Melissa of Tarentum, a most beautiful chubby person. But, by Hercules, I did not care for her in a carnal way or as a sex object, but more because she was morally good. If I asked anything from her, I was never refused. If she made a penny, I had a ha’penny. If I entrusted anything to her pocket, I was not ever deceived. Her partner met his last day at the farmhouse. And so, equipped with shield and with greave, I put a plan in motion to arrive where she was: however you know that in tight places, friends appear.
62
“By chance the master had gone away to Capua to sort out some technical nonsense. This provided me with the opportunity to persuade our guest to come with me to the fifth milestone. He was a soldier, and brave as hell. We removed ourselves around cockcrow; the moon was shining like noon. We came into the grave monuments: my man began to make his way to the inscribed tombstones. I sat, full of song and counting the graves. Then when I looked back at my companion, he stripped himself and put all of his clothing next to the road. My soul was in my nose; I as standing there as if dead. But he urinated around his clothes and suddenly became a wolf. Do not think that I am joking, as I would not lie for any such inheritance. But as I began saying, after he became a wolf, he began to howl and fled into the forest.
“At first I did not know where I was, then I went to where he had been in order to pick up his clothes; however, they had turned to stone. Who except I would die of fear? However I drew a sword and killed ghosts along the whole road until I arrived at the farmhouse of my girlfriend. I entered like a phantom, my spirits almost boiling over, swear was pouring down between my legs, my eyes were dead, I could scarcely ever be revived. My Melissa began to wonder because I was walking around so late and said, ‘If you had come earlier, at least you might have helped us, for a wild entered and attacked all the livestock and made them bleed just like a butcher. Nevertheless he did not mock us, even though he escaped, for our slave pierced his neck with a lance.’ When I heard these things, I was not able to keep my eyes closed any longer, but at dawn I fled home to our Gaius just like a cheated inn-keeper, and after I came to that place in which the clothing had been turned to stone, I found nothing except blood. When I actually came home, my soldier was lying in bed like an ox, and a doctor was treating his neck. I realized that he was a skinchanger, nor was I able to taste bread with him afterwards, not if you had killed me. Other people may see whatever they choose about this; if I am lying, May I have to deal with your angry guardian spirits.”
Petronius Arbiter: Satyricon, 61-62
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