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  #1  
Unread 04-30-2021, 07:02 PM
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Default Love's Lights

Rev 2

Love’s Lights

This boy was born to light that charged his being,
and as a child loved Sun’s creative might.
The radiance and warmth were a delight
as he matured and found his new world’s meaning.
He had learned that Sun lit everything,
but Moon, he saw, was weaker light at night—
her soft beams reflections of his light.
Although a scion of Sun’s nurturing,
the man succumbed to a sub-lunar mood
of fresh romantic passions urging him
to wed the practical woman he pursued.
Despite her many modes under the Sun
and Eve of Eden made to echo Adam,
the Moon he humbly loved was feminine.


L2 was: and quickly learned of Sun's bright solar might
L9: Youth for Older


Love’s Lights

A boy was born to light that charged his being,
and quickly learned of Sun’s bright solar might.
Its radiance and warmth were a delight
as he discovered Paradise’s meaning.
He saw that Sun lit most of everything,
but always limited its kin at night—
the Moon, submissive to Sun as pale light.
Although a scion of Sun’s nurturing,
he soon succumbed to a sub-lunar mood
of intensely romantic passions urging him
to wed an earthy woman he pursued.
Despite its many modes under the Sun
and Eve of Eden made to echo Adam,
the Moon he humbly loved is feminine.


Last line was:
he humbly loved the Moon is feminine.

Last 3 lines were:

Despite the many modes of Moon under Sun
and Eve of Eden made to echo Adam,
he humbly loves the Moon is feminine.
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Last edited by RCL; 05-06-2021 at 06:59 PM. Reason: L12: under for reflected
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  #2  
Unread 04-30-2021, 07:12 PM
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Had a bad day. Thoughtless post removed.

Last edited by Allen Tice; 05-01-2021 at 07:45 AM.
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  #3  
Unread 04-30-2021, 08:35 PM
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Also had a bad day, so angry old man comment deleted.
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Last edited by RCL; 05-01-2021 at 10:49 AM.
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Unread 04-30-2021, 10:18 PM
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Had a bad day. Thoughtless post edited. I like your poem. Relax, Jack.

Last edited by Allen Tice; 05-01-2021 at 07:46 AM.
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  #5  
Unread 04-30-2021, 10:32 PM
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Actually, I like it a lot! Maybe more than anything youíve posted before.

I ainít perfect. Sorry. Should have done something different there. Sorry.
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Unread 05-01-2021, 10:01 AM
Julie Steiner Julie Steiner is online now
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For the record, I didn't think there was anything wrong with Allen's post. He simply mentioned that the German word for the moon is masculine, and that this is odd (presumably in comparison with other European languages). It didn't look snarky from where I was standing. It made the important point that gendered ideas about the sun and moon--and, I would add, ideas mandating that one half of humanity should be submissive to the other--are cultural, and not, as the poem seems to accept, universal.

Genesis also says, and the poem seems to agree, that the sun rules the day and the moon rules the night. Yes, it is true that the moon's light is far more visible when the sun's light is blocked by the earth. But anyone can see that the moon is, on average, out in the daytime exactly as often as it is out in the nighttime. The fact that many people are too busy during the day to glance up at the sky and notice this does not change that scientific fact.

The differences between cultural worldviews, some of which contradict observable reality, are legitimate points to consider when evaluating the poem's effectiveness. There might be far more useful explanations for helping a boy understand his own sex drive, and his own power to control it, and how women "should" respond to it, than Genesis presents. Maybe the poem could still be beautiful and effective by commenting on that. But it's probably not the poem you want to write, which is fine.

Extra beat in L12?

Last edited by Julie Steiner; 05-01-2021 at 10:18 AM.
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Unread 05-01-2021, 10:21 AM
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It’s okay Allen. The longer I live, the shorter my temper. Glad you like it.

Julie, sorry you don’t like my take on an archetype which, rightly or wrongly, has existed for a very long time. In PoWorld it’s been impressed on readers by The Moon is Always Female by Marge Piercy. I reject her female and favor feminine. Thanks for the very thoughtful response and detection of the sneaky beat.
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Last edited by RCL; 05-03-2021 at 11:59 AM.
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Unread 05-01-2021, 11:06 AM
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Daniel Kemper Daniel Kemper is offline
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There's an awful lot to say about this poem. I'll try to get a few of those things out. It's a fascinating gambit to close with a couplet that pairs "Adam" and "Feminine". Julie's comment about the moon being out as much during day as during night, but not being noticed adds fascination because that deepens the symbol -- isn't that similar to women being unnoticed in the presence of men? Another item is that posting on the traditional instead of the exceptional is important in this era because so many people read with the contaminated mind that any mention of traditional is a de facto attack on what is unmentioned. That said, this can be cleaned up enough to be clear it's this one boy's experience and not necessarily this boy as implicit stand in for all boys. I hope to circle back and offer a scan and more remarks.
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Unread 05-01-2021, 11:26 AM
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Second time today my post disappeared!

Daniel, thanks for stopping by. Okay, the sun is often out during the day, maybe as often as the sun. Common sense: no sunlight, no moonlight. No equalizer or exception that I can see. I said it better before this effing internet stole my original response. STOP THE STEAL! (a political allusion if you hate politics in poesy.)

And here I expected to hear about how it interwove feminine and masculine rhymes as part of its meaning. Nutz.
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Last edited by RCL; 05-01-2021 at 11:38 AM.
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  #10  
Unread 05-03-2021, 11:34 AM
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Additional adjustments made since the last posts in Rev 1
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