[RCL]

Time's out!

A Plant’s Seasons

Spring reseeded
Summer repleted

Fall denuded
Winter shrouded

Spring repeated



Fall Light

With every shortened day
the lovely leaves take flight
but bare trees increase light
that plays as branches sway.

[Simon Hunt]

Hi Ralph--

Are these a sequence or two individual poems? The first one doesn't do much for me. Yep, those seasons repeat, all right. In the second, the interplay between shortening days and increasing light due to leaves falling is interesting. However, "take flight" seems like rhyme-driven cliche to me and not strictly accurate, either. What does "time's out" mean?

[Julie Steiner]

This was a different poem a few days ago, when I was traveling. That version was several stanzas long and all about time's being a wheel, and the Rota Fortunae. There were some interesting images, but on the whole I didn't feel that it was traveling far enough to come back around. It just sat and spinned.

Ralph, I think you workshopped something very similar to "A Plant's Seasons" here before. The slant rhymes are playful and childlike (those are intended as compliments).

Not sure about the last one. I like the concept, but something about it just doesn't grab me yet. Maybe changing the rhyme scheme from abba to abab would make it more satisfying for me.

[Alexandra Baez]

Hi, Ralph, the play in the rhyme words of the first provides some interest, but not enough to make this fully satisfying for me—especially since you’ve taken liberties with the “repleted” neologism.

The second one repeats a theme you’ve already addressed two times before, and in a poem this short, the imperfect meter of L3 feels fatal. Again, there feels just not quite enough here—the language is pretty utilitarian, the rhymes basic; the internal rhyme in L4 feels overdone, and there’s no other special distinguishing feature here. The poem is relying almost entirely on its paradox to sustain it. I would look to haikus by some of the masters for inspiration on how to pack a lot of layered value into a small space.

[RCL]

Sorry, folks,

It's just a silent howl for having yet again and once more hit the wall with my attempts at formal poetry.

Happy New Year

[Julie Steiner]

We've all been there, Ralph. We're all mute coyotes in the desolation of our separate canyons.

[Julie Steiner]

We've all been there, Ralph. We're all mute coyotes in the desolation of our separate canyons, dreaming of a nice, juicy cat.