[David Callin]

A slight revision up.

David

[Rick Mullin]

Well, the line in question is much clearer, and the addition of "Only the weather changed." is a real added benefit. It's actually tremendous given the opening of the poem. Great move.

RM

[Jan Iwaszkiewicz]

David I love that you transport me into the land of three legs and tailless cats.

The atavistic barrows and cairns are still so much part of us.

[Mark McDonnell]

Hi David,

I agree with Rick that changing the line in S3 is more than just a single line fix, but has added to the unity of the poem. I love the poem and find it very moving. And I love your signature wry jokiness at the end of S2, which, to me, adds to the poignancy by humanising the speaker. We do joke and self-deprecate even in grief.

[David Callin]

Originally Posted by Rick Mullin

Well, the line in question is much clearer, and the addition of "Only the weather changed." is a real added benefit. It's actually tremendous given the opening of the poem. Great move.

Great! Thanks Rick. Your concern about that line was not misplaced.

And thanks Jan and Mark, too. Very pleased you like it.

Cheers all

David

[John Riley]

I’ll the same I always end up saying about one of your poems. It’s good and I like. This one may have a little more emotion at the top and it works