[Joe Crocker]

Very late to this Carl. Lots of discussion about how to stress "LCD screen". I'm not sure it matters very much. But here’s my twopenneth. I think TV is better than LCD. It puts the scene more securely in the narrator’s childhood. And maybe you could more firmly railroad the reader into anapest with something like

In the glow of TV screens and fairy lights’ blink

Things I liked best abut the poem were the slant rhymes and the portrayal of the narrator as ghost of Christmas future, haunting his own past. And the painful final twist where he feels he must stay away from that memory.

Cheers

Joe

[Carl Copeland]

Originally Posted by Joe Crocker

I think TV is better than LCD. It puts the scene more securely in the narrator’s childhood.

I resisted “TV” for a long time, but have come around and now think you’re right.

Originally Posted by Joe Crocker

And maybe you could more firmly railroad the reader into anapest with something like

In the glow of TV screens and fairy lights’ blink

That would require rewriting the next line as well, but it is very much in the spirit of what I wanted. “Railroad” is right: readers seem determined to treat this foot as anything but an anapest. I’m trying yet another minimal fix, but will keep your suggestion in mind.

Originally Posted by Joe Crocker

Things I liked best abut the poem were the slant rhymes and the portrayal of the narrator as ghost of Christmas future, haunting his own past. And the painful final twist where he feels he must stay away from that memory.

That’s it in a nutshell. I’m so glad it came across. Thanks, Joe!

[Alexandra Baez]

Carl, I’m not sure why I missed your reply earlier, even though I searched for it several times! (This happens to me periodically—a ghost in the machine?) Anyway, I’ll have to research, or rather review (I know I’ve come across this in the past) the philosophy you speak of regarding amphibrachs, etc. Right now, I don’t see how any combination of duple feet could stand in for any type of triple foot, much less how it could stand in for all except one (the anapest), given what I said in my last comment about the respective lengths that are accorded per syllable in each of these types of feet. It’s like how half notes couldn’t be used in place of whole notes in music.

It’s really just your philosophy: “when there are two technically legitimate choices of how to scan a line, one should go with the scansion that matches the prevailing meter.” The prevailing meter says that “LCD” (or “Lit TV”) should be an anapest and the next syllable, “screens,” should be unstressed. That’s the metrical reading, and a natural reading should also de-stress “screens,” as you said you want to do.

Okay. The key here is that it was a huge stretch for me to even consider your reading of this (now former) line “technically legitimate.”

I’d thought of the “while” option but was afraid you wouldn’t like it! I think it works great here and it dissolves all my problems with this line, as I’m sure it does, or will do when they see it, for others. Joe’s suggestion for this line is creative but strikes me as a bit syntactically convoluted. Your new version is simple and direct and as such, it seems entirely in keeping with the rest of the poem.

[Mark McDonnell]

For me, metrically at least, just "TVs" seems to work best:

"while TVs and fairy lights merrily blink"

I like the poem, Carl. I like how it darkens at the end with the reveal of the "location" of the street — the speaker's own past.

Edit: Ah, I see now you want each line to start with an anapaest. What you have at the moment doesn’t work for me metrically, in that sense. How about "as the TVs and fairy lights merrily blink". ?

[Carl Copeland]

Originally Posted by A. Baez

I don’t see how any combination of duple feet could stand in for any type of triple foot, much less how it could stand in for all except one (the anapest), given what I said in my last comment about the respective lengths that are accorded per syllable in each of these types of feet. It’s like how half notes couldn’t be used in place of whole notes in music.

I didn’t say anything about duple standing in for triple (of which there are two: anapest and dactyl), though I don’t rule it out in principle. I’m talking about something like my favorite headless anapestic line, which could also be scanned as tail-less amphibrachic. I’d call it amphibrachic if it contains a lot of conspicuously amphibrachic words and phrases:

And now comes an act of enormous enormance!
No former performer’s performed this performance!

Originally Posted by A. Baez

I’d thought of the “while” option but was afraid you wouldn’t like it! I think it works great here and it dissolves all my problems with this line

It’s possible I wouldn’t have liked it, but don’t let that stop you. It crossed my mind earlier, but didn’t appeal to me. Now I think I like it. Thanks for the vote of support!

[Carl Copeland]

Thanks for commenting, Mark.

Originally Posted by Mark McDonnell

What you have at the moment doesn’t work for me metrically, in that sense. How about "as the TVs and fairy lights merrily blink". ?

To be honest, I don’t get all the controversy over the stressing of this foot, because I read for the meter and expect an anapest here, but no one else can seem to get by it without stumbling. My problem with your suggestion is that it stresses “TV” on the “T.” If you say it that way, I may have to limit this poem’s readership to the American Midwest.

In any event, I’m very pleased that you liked it overall.

Carl

[Mark McDonnell]

For this English reader, the issue could well lie in the nuances of regional difference. As you were.