[Jim Ramsey]

Hi Alexandra,

I've made some edits based on your most recent suggestions. I was glad to hear you think the piece is improving but two things you said that were cautionary have me thinking, one, that this is not giving enough of a comparison and turn to be a sonnet, and, two, that my rescue twist has been overdone. I wonder if I need to change the format and find a new ending. Thanks for the help.

[Alexandra Baez]

Jim, I think you just need to stop conceiving of the poem as a sonnet. In essence, it works fine the way it is. I suggest embracing this mantra: The forms were made for the poet, not the poet for the forms. This poem would have to change radically to really embody a sonnet. I don't see that that's what this poem wants to be!

I think you added a dash after S3 L1, allowing you to use a comma after "legs" instead of a semicolon as in my suggestion.? Either that or I overlooked the dash before. Anyway, the way you have it now works well, better than what I'd remembered conceiving when I made that suggestion.

[Jim Ramsey]

Hi Alexandra, and anyone else whose patience is not exhausted,

Thanks for the help on this. As one last edit before abandoning its rescue, I've added an alternative title and alternative closing line to this, hoping to focus additionally on the Ns in my quest to compare the two rescues occurring in the poem. Any opinion on that effort would be welcome, but if this poem has overstayed its welcome, I understand. BTW, I am not intending to keep all alternatives included as parts of the poem.

[Alexandra Baez]

Hi, Jim, yes, I think "Rescue Team" is witty and a more distinctive title than just "Rescue." And I prefer the first of your two closing line options--it's more direct and flows better, and I think it's best not to bring in here at the last minute the new angle that both the owners are quirky just like the dog. You accidentally put two "t"s in "mostly." But . . . now I have to be honest with myself, and you . . . "partly" and "mostly" are both adverbs, so they should not be modifying nouns as they are here. I kind of let it go before because it sounded colloquial. But maybe "one part" for bullie, "one part" for cattle dog and "three parts" or whatever for hog? Also, I forgot to say before, I like "gobbled"--not only does it have more character than "given," its being in the active tense rather than the passive tense makes this line feel more alive. Better and better!

[Jim Ramsey]

Hi Alexandra,

Thanks again. I've changed the "partly" and "mostly." I wonder though if an argument could be made that bullie, cattle dog, and hog were being used as adjectives and therefore could be modified by adverbs?

[Alexandra Baez]

You know, Jim, I started wondering the same thing yesterday. I asked myself something like, "Would it really be incorrect to say, 'This rock is mostly granite?" It certainly sounds correct. But for some reason, the examples in the former version of your poem sound less correct to me. Maybe it has to do with the nature of the comprising element being referred to--whether it's a quantifiable material substance or not.? We really need some of our resident grammar experts to weigh in on this. (I don't know of a way to tag members in a post, otherwise I'd try.) Carl hadn't commented on it before, and I would have imagined that he would have, if it were really grammatically incorrect.

[Jim Moonan]

.
I've loved many dogs in my life. I don't love all dogs, but the ones I have loved I loved with all my heart.
I wish I had commented earlier in this thread but just never pulled the trigger. Have you read any of Mary Oliver's dog poems she collected into a book entitled, "Dog Songs"? Dogs are a well-worn motif (and deservedly so, like love is). Love spelled backwards is dog : )

I smiled when I saw the title Rescue or Rescue Team as the title. It immediately brought to mind the children's program "Paw Patrol" about a bunch of good dogs who form a rescue team called "Paw Patrol" that rescues good from evil. Their motto is "Paw Patrol to the rescue!" (I'm a grandfather. I know things.) Just thought I'd mention that : )

It's a warm-hearted poem. Thanks for writing it. Check out Mary Oliver's dog poems if you get a chance.

---

[Carl Copeland]

Originally Posted by A. Baez

Carl hadn't commented on it before, and I would have imagined that he would have, if it were really grammatically incorrect.

You flatter me, Alexandra. It’s true I didn’t notice anything objectionable, but that’s hardly the gold standard of grammatical correctness. I’m not even sure what the real grammarians would say about this issue. Jim’s suggestion makes sense to me: in Korea a waiter might explain, “This dish is mostly dog”—referring (heaven forbid!) to dog meat. We could also think of the adverbs as modifying the verb “to be”: “my dog is partly a Husky” sounds fine to me. That’s my sense anyway.