[Susan McLean]

Mrs. Reed Addresses Her Maker

You have some nerve, Miss Brontë, to portray
that prissy sham Jane Eyre forgiving me
after I'd foiled her windfall legacy
by claiming she was dead. That's not the way
rage works. You ought to know: you hold a grudge
better than any. All your books contain
caricatures of those who've caused you pain,
whom you arraign before a hanging judge.
My son John Reed, a spoiled and spiteful man,
is he not based on Branwell, your weak brother?
Are not Eliza and Georgiana other
dark cartoons of Emily and Anne?
Revenge is how the winners play the game.
You may disclaim it, but you do the same.

Revisions:
L5 was "rage works. You ought to know. You hold a grudge"

[Roger Slater]

Well done! I think it's good to go.

[David Elliot Eisenstat]

Sonnet, iambic pentameter, abba cddc effe gg rhymes; really abb(b)a cdd(d)c effe g(g)g with the fourth-syllable internal echoes in parentheses. It’s an interesting effect; I like how it emphasizes “she” in L4, though I find the d and g triples a little chime-y.

The meter is well done, maybe a little too smooth if anything given that the speaker seems angry—if I were reading, though L5 could be scanned with just a trochaic first foot, I’d rough it up by stomping “You”, losing the rhythm a little to paint the speaker getting angrier. The other substitutions of note are a soft anapest at “Eliza and Georgiana” and a headless line at “dark cartoons”, the latter offsetting the feminine ending of the previous line to maintain the iambic alternation.

The mix of enjambment and end-stopping is excellent. My only quibbles are two periods: the one separating “You ought to know” and “You hold a grudge”, since the short sentences after “That’s not the rage / works” seem to blunt its impact; and the one halving the final couplet, which interrupts its momentum. Personally I’d go em dash and colon respectively.

I regret that I cannot speak to the intertextual aspects, but the logical bones of this piece make it work without them. The rhetorical questions in the third quatrain feel right and make an effective volta.

All in all, I agree with Roger. Ship it!

[Susan McLean]

Thanks for the reactions and suggestions, David. I had mentally been stressing the first "you" in L5, but you made me think that italics might help the reader notice the tone I was going for. I also decided to link the two short sentences in L5 with a colon. I felt that I wanted to keep the last two lines separate, the better to emphasize that in the first of them, Mrs. Reed proudly claims her own revenge, while in the second she points the finger at the author. I am still considering whether the internal rhymes you commented on are overkill. I like to weave a tight web of sound, but it is easy to overdo.

Susan

P.S., Roger, thanks for letting me know that it worked for you. Sorry I forgot to mention it earlier

[Deborah J. Shore]

Very effective closing couplet, Susan.