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Unread 04-07-2021, 04:33 AM
Aaron Poochigian Aaron Poochigian is offline
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Default Hello Out There?

Hello Out There?

Way back God was all, like,
"Yoo-hoo! Here I am."

Today, though, when I call, like,
nothing. Nothing. Damn.
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Unread 04-07-2021, 06:18 AM
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Ann Drysdale Ann Drysdale is offline
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Aaron, is this a development of the poem you posted in July 2019? The title then was "You Out There?"

I remember it, though not exactly, because it indirectly kicked off a discussion that caused me much introspection and wretchedness. We had both posted poems of a similar drift on different forums, though they were not directly compared. I later took mine out into the woods and shot it, but you were in no way responsible for my decision.

I kept a record of my own thread but apart from the name of your poem, I have no clear recollection of it. Is this it, risen from its own ashes?
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Unread 04-07-2021, 06:25 AM
Aaron Poochigian Aaron Poochigian is offline
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It is a slight revision of that poem. I can't decide whether to keep it or not.

It is depressing. Satanic, maybe.
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Unread 04-07-2021, 09:21 AM
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Daniel Kemper Daniel Kemper is offline
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Definitely not satanic; after all presuming satan exists, he's certainly aware of God whose punishment he feels all the time. (But Boethius' Philosophy might have a stern word for you. )

More to the main, this is pretty Steven Crane-like, don't you think?

Personally, I don't pray as much as I probably should. For me prayers are often questions about whether or not to do something. If God answers, "Yes", I usually chicken out. If God answers, "No", then I usually get pissed off and do it anyway. And worst of all is if God answers, "Wait..."

Poetically, have you ever considered riffing off of each of the lines and extending it?
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Unread 04-07-2021, 10:05 AM
Aaron Poochigian Aaron Poochigian is offline
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Thank you, Daniel.

The four lines feel like a complete unit to me. I could, however, make them a section in a sequence. Right now, the poem is a kind of epigram.
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Unread 04-11-2021, 05:24 PM
Bill Marsh Bill Marsh is offline
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I think the poem is complete as is. The problem is it is so short. Auden solved this by grouping his epigrams and lyrics, as you suggested you might Aaron. I think that is the right strategy.
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