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Unread 03-12-2021, 08:16 AM
Bill Marsh Bill Marsh is offline
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Thanks for all the sensitive and precise feedback. A couple of comments:
1. The poem retells the myth of Lilith and I don't think it is more brutal and raw than the myth itself.
2. Sarah-Jane, the speaker in the poem is a jerk. He is just like Adam except his sexism and demonization are domesticated.
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Unread 03-12-2021, 02:38 PM
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Daniel Kemper Daniel Kemper is offline
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Not to hijack the thread with a sidebar conversation, but Jim, you make some excellent points to my points.
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Unread 03-12-2021, 04:05 PM
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Jane Crowson Jane Crowson is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bill Marsh View Post
2. Sarah-Jane, the speaker in the poem is a jerk. He is just like Adam except his sexism and demonization are domesticated.
Phew, that's what I read, but you might want to make a contemporary nastiness much clearer somewhere very early on. Also be wary, because in L8-10 you bring us all in to empathise with the N - readers might be more alert to having crap bosses than anything more subtle. The domestic details are a hook, but I'm not sure it's working for you in the way you want it to in this context.

Sarah-Jane
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