[Julie Steiner]

Nick, you might consider changing this

     I want a life
     Where I'd lived on Hydra

were changed to this

     I want a life
     In which I'd lived on Hydra

In your prose comments, it sounds like the narrator wants a future life in which he has experienced things that he has not already experienced, but will have experienced by then. That's a time thing, not a place thing.

But in the poem, "where" makes it sound like the narrator wants a future life in the place where he has already, in relation to today, lived, because he wants to return there. If you don't like that reading, I'd advise replacing "where."

In French, "ou" ("where") is used to describe both place and time, but in English (or at least in my dialect of it), "where" is more closely linked to place.

[Nick McRae]

Originally Posted by Julie Steiner

Nick, you might consider changing this

     I want a life
     Where I'd lived on Hydra

were changed to this

     I want a life
     In which I'd lived on Hydra

In your prose comments, it sounds like the narrator wants a future life in which he has experienced things that he has not already experienced, but will have experienced by then. That's a time thing, not a place thing.

But in the poem, "where" makes it sound like the narrator wants a future life in the place where he has already, in relation to today, lived, because he wants to return there. If you don't like that reading, I'd advise replacing "where."

In French, "ou" ("where") is used to describe both place and time, but in English (or at least in my dialect of it), "where" is more closely linked to place.

Thanks for the comment. It's a good point that I haven't noticed myself, and now I'm wondering if the use of 'where' is common in Canada, or if it's just something I use.

My own preference would be to use where because it prioritizes simple over complex language, which is the voice I'm aiming for. But I'm seeing that some of these unorthodox choices are throwing people off.