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  #11  
Unread 10-24-2016, 08:44 PM
Michael Cantor Michael Cantor is offline
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This one struck me as okay but nothing more - I'll parrot the same line as others - a one-read. The schoolboy voice was well done, but unfortunately all it did was remind me that thirteen-year-olds are not very interesting. And I agree that the Petrarchan form isn't all that difficult.
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  #12  
Unread 10-24-2016, 08:54 PM
Orwn Acra Orwn Acra is offline
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Freak is what non-thirteen-year-olds think thirteen-year-olds use in conversation. The voice does not convince me.
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  #13  
Unread 10-24-2016, 09:15 PM
Paddy Raghunathan Paddy Raghunathan is offline
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While the author (according to the DG) fits a difficult rhyme scheme effortlessly, it also appears that the author has substituted in its place several double iambs, and the over abundance of double iambs doesn't work for me.

Yes, there are some variations, like the acephalous line which begins "hair so blond..." but the double iambs just throw me off.

Paddy
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  #14  
Unread 10-26-2016, 03:24 AM
Mary McLean Mary McLean is offline
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I like the tone here and the evocation of locker-room talk, but I suspect the critics are right that it doesn't really ring true for thirteen. I think if you're going to talk in another person's voice you have to do your research and get it really right. There is the excuse that N is an adult reflecting on his teenage experience, so overall it's a fairly successful poem, but not one I would choose to reread often.
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  #15  
Unread 10-26-2016, 03:35 AM
Dave East Dave East is offline
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This piece brought back a happy memory, especially the shaking hand bit. A very descriptive sonnet which I read "easily" as a novice to this style of writing. Well done.
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  #16  
Unread 10-26-2016, 11:23 AM
Judith Terzi Judith Terzi is offline
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For me the charm of this sonnet is the juxtaposition of the Bar Mitzvah ceremony and the boobs Jake gets to touch because now he is a "man." Perhaps that line needs a more convincing word instead of "since." Something more immediate to up the irony. I think the voice of a thirteen year old is sustained throughout.
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  #17  
Unread 10-26-2016, 09:33 PM
Jennifer Gordon Jennifer Gordon is offline
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Well, this effectively erased that supposed sanctified sense attached to the event under consideration.
My la!
Beginning on the right foot, L4 abruptly ushers in a departure as it swears technicality is beyond reach whiles we recklessly force the steamy incident into this frame not unlike that woman's leggings (would I be allowed to call them?) and *cough, cough* enticement drawing the young man into his own, so speak.
Ah, but that finale too poignantly illustrates the happy incident.
Otherwise I like how the sonneteer less than subtly puts the dames in their place with that simile in L5.
Interesting and rather piquant, shall we say?

Last edited by Jennifer Gordon; 10-31-2016 at 07:45 PM.
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  #18  
Unread 10-31-2016, 01:55 PM
David Danoff David Danoff is offline
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Thank you to those who commented. It was cool to make the top 10. And very unexpected.

Congratulations to the winners.

Last edited by David Danoff; 10-31-2016 at 02:27 PM.
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