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  #1  
Unread 07-14-2021, 01:10 PM
Sarah-Jane Crowson's Avatar
Sarah-Jane Crowson Sarah-Jane Crowson is offline
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Default The theatre of imaginary deities

And, with a small tinny drumroll that sounds a bit like it is underwater, here’s The Theatre of Imaginary Deities.

In it you’ll find a paper theatre populated by a selection of imaginary deities, found text, and oh-so-iffy IP. Your tour guide for this landscape is the narrator, a deer-headed personage who is also my avatar in various other places.

I have included a thumbnail image below, but please, if you’re interested in offering me feedback, click on the link here so that you can see the images better.



Any feedback welcome, but I have some specific questions. I’m trialling how the words (IP narration and found text) work together. So:

Does the IP work? (I haven’t included the IP in all cases, but all images have four lines of IP to go with them if need be)
…and if I should keep it, where should I put it - under the image but within the image, or in a separate box under the image?

How well does the found text work? Should that go under the image as ‘found text/cut out’ or should I type it in as text, replacing the IP? Or should I lose it completely?

Should I let myself keep the flippant ones? Or should these all be culled, dropped down a well. Or should I lose the serious ones?

Any feedback welcome, though, and if I shouldn't post questions, please let me know and I'll remove them.

Sarah-Jane
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Unread 07-14-2021, 02:55 PM
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F.F. Teague F.F. Teague is online now
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Hi Sarah-Jane,

Well, Word-Bird and I have made it to the theatre and an usher rather resembling a guinea god has kindly shown us to our front-row seats :-) :>)

I must admit, I'm struggling with my vision at present (I've been at the laptop working since early this morning), but my first impressions are very favourable indeedy.

I would love to assist with the IP, if you like, and it might be useful to post it separately on this thread.

I like the mixture of serious and flippant; it seems apt for the setting. I shall certainly return soon.

Best wishes,
Fliss
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Unread 07-15-2021, 08:46 AM
MJ Starling MJ Starling is offline
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Hi Sarah-Jane,

Donít you dare get rid of any of them! I have one suggestion: the bottom right panel is rendered in a very high key, but the arch is more middle key. You might consider unifying the keys a bit.

Nicely done! Iím very impressed.
MJ
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Unread 07-15-2021, 09:19 AM
mignon ledgard mignon ledgard is offline
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Default Sarah-Jayne's gallery of art

Dear Sarah-Jane,

Your gallery is looking great. I feel like telling you I favor the fourth one. It not only has the depth and the floating effect (something I work on but do not yet achieve in my paintings), but I also love the colors.

Congratulations!
~mignon
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Unread 07-15-2021, 03:03 PM
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Sarah-Jane Crowson Sarah-Jane Crowson is offline
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Hello!

Fliss, it is delightful to have you and W-B here in the audience, and please have ice cream and a rather delicious interrobang on the house. I am really pleased that there might be legs in the mixture of serious and flippant, and writing out the IP as a separate thing is a very good idea indeed.

Like you, I am tired tonight (I fell victim to the lures of the garden hammock and staring at the moon rather than the computer) but I will have a bash at doing that tomorrow or over the weekend. And if I write it out like that Iíll see it better and can tidy it up (although I can guarantee I will still need help - thank you).

MJ - Thank you. Iím really relieved you like them. Your initial comments helped me tidy up the idea and the visuals so itís lovely that youíve returned, too. I agree with you about the bottom right one. Itís the least cohesive in the series too so itíll be the first I edit. Thanks again.

mignon, thank you so much for stopping by - its lovely to know your favourite and why you like it. Yes, I worked hard to get the sense of depth in these. I was quite exaggerated in my shadow-making - I used a very broad, blurry brush at about 19% transparency to start with, then dropped to 7% transparency with a darker colour overlay. But I was melodramatic & unafraid with it, if that helps at all with your painting.

Thank you again all. I will start working on my text and editing that last image so it fits a bit more cohesively with the rest of the sequence.

Sarah-Jane
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Unread 07-15-2021, 05:57 PM
W T Clark W T Clark is offline
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Sarah,
I like this very much. The bottom right seems the weakest to me: the colour and aesthetic seeming somehow different to the others. I wonder if there is any way to make each image a key on a scale, so the bottom right feels like the highest key at the lowest part of a ladder of receding colour keys. I hope there is sense in that. I often pause instead of commenting in a more formal workshopping environment on your visuals, since my lean and limited experience with poetry is not in that field. Talking of which, I second Fliss, in that if you do choose to post your iambs (why did the greeks ever decide to call an unstressed/stressed foot by a trochee!?) as a separate message in thread, I'll go through them and attempt to put each one to the task. I wouldn't say I'll be critical if they're all not perfect unstressed / stressed, but I think I'll try to discern which ones are creating a palpable rhythm, and which ones (if any) are confusing the beat.

Hope this helps, for now.

Last edited by W T Clark; 07-15-2021 at 06:02 PM.
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Unread 07-16-2021, 03:52 AM
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Sarah-Jane Crowson Sarah-Jane Crowson is offline
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Thank you Cameron,

That's helpful, and echoes MJ's points, too. I rose with dawn (not quite) but did put some work in this morning before work and had a play with the image that isn't working for people- screen shot below but better quality image here.



I'll work on the text when I've finished for today. I like your idea about ordering. I'll have a think about how that might work. I think the text could offer some clues to that, too.

Sarah-Jane
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Unread 07-16-2021, 11:24 AM
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Text below. I am very unsure about these and at the moment veering towards leaving the found text and placing that at the bottom of each image.

These unreal ancients, from their starry stage
post us ideas through risograph machines.
They sing of throstle-nests, and seas, faint echo-
chambers filled with silk and keys and dreams.

Here’s a hive of sulky wayward bees,
that feast on hot blue stars and hyacinth,
We watch them buzzing through the starry floor
To drizzle honeyed deadlines through our door.

A land as deep as stone that held a well
now holds a whale, fair Subterranea.
She sends her thoughts, of amethyst and loss,
for us to view through salt-tinged vaping clouds.

Here, in the second bathroom, a deity
of hybrids, twilight, fur and embouchures
Ambiguously half-divine they bathe
themselves in dry white wine and muscatel.

Shhh, it's Diaphora, reclusive god
of underwear and immaterial culture.
Within her licit chamber she creates
precise taxonomies for nylon socks.

Meet Simeon, a rakish exquisite,
the god of inept conversationalists.
He sends us tiny snips of winning words
in blurred morse code through moonlit glitterballs.

Druantia, that lost imaginary
deity of hares and damson stones,
We scry your thoughts in weather vanes. Your hedgerow
words run wilder than the eyes of owls.

Lost in the Lucent chambers of the night
above the fossil tombs of trilobites
we leave the gods of flying fish to drift
like moths and dust, space unperturbed by myth.

Tweaks in green. If it gets too confusing then I'll post this in metrical as a separate thread.

Last edited by Sarah-Jane Crowson; 07-17-2021 at 07:21 AM.
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Unread 07-16-2021, 01:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarah-Jane Crowson View Post
Fliss, it is delightful to have you and W-B here in the audience, and please have ice cream and a rather delicious interrobang on the house. I am really pleased that there might be legs in the mixture of serious and flippant, and writing out the IP as a separate thing is a very good idea indeed.

Like you, I am tired tonight (I fell victim to the lures of the garden hammock and staring at the moon rather than the computer) but I will have a bash at doing that tomorrow or over the weekend. And if I write it out like that Iíll see it better and can tidy it up (although I can guarantee I will still need help - thank you).
Thanks, Sarah-Jane :-)

W.-B. and I happily accept the offer of ice cream and interroband. The usher approaches with a rather ornate tray, on which various items are displayed in a whimsical manner.

Yes, distinctly workworn here, but I recruited an admin assistant today so that'll help, hopefully. Your garden hammock sounds lovely and it's always good to stare at the moon, I find. Now I see you've written out the IP, which is great. I'm a little depleted at the moment, but I'll try to pop back later and make a start with it. First impressions are very favourable!

Best wishes,
Fliss & W.-B. :>x
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  #10  
Unread 07-16-2021, 01:49 PM
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Sarah-Jane Crowson Sarah-Jane Crowson is offline
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Fliss, please don't feel obliged to return to my IP of weird deities. It's enough to know that it lands well at first reading.

It's very warm here (and suspect in Cheltenham too) so if you feel like staring at the moon from a hammock or whatever your equivalent is, instead of more staring over the computer at words I completely second that thought.

(good news about the admin assistant, too)

Sarah-Jane
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