Eratosphere Forums - Metrical Poetry, Free Verse, Fiction, Art, Critique, Discussions Able Muse - a review of poetry, prose and art

Forum Left Top

Notices

Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Unread 05-01-2022, 02:14 PM
Sarah-Jane Crowson's Avatar
Sarah-Jane Crowson Sarah-Jane Crowson is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 1,483
Default Found sapphics: The Modern Palmist

Okay, so here's my revision.

I have:

repositioned the bird-fish and tidied him up, adding some nice plant wings, too.

Digitally manipulated the clover illustration so that it looks (hopefully) like it's something the bird-fish (I shall call him Henry) is feeding from, sucking out of the palm.

Fitted the illustration to within the palm image.

Changed colour on erased text so that it isn't quite so blocky and blends a little better with the image

Added text of the first three lines of the found sapphic at the bottom of the print (this is number three in the sequence of four)



Original image:


[Although I'm calling this a 'found sapphic' it's also an erasure poem, meaning that if I placed the source text under the image, the words would fall in exactly the same place as they do in the image.]

My source text is The Modern Palmist, D.B Jackson, (1953) Clay Books, Suffolk. It's a book whose ideas I disagree with - not because they're mystical, but quite the opposite - the 'scientific' way of palm-reading the author postulates verge on (at worst) eugenics, and (at best) stereotypes. It's disagreeable in a more than 'of it's time' type of way, for me. This is why I wanted to reinvent it, and make new narratives from it]

I'd be really interested in what anyone thinks, about the poetry or the image, or both. I can change/tweak these.

To put it a bit in context, the full 'found sapphic' is here:

art and bone, the palmist must shape the fingers;
rules and lines an intricate spider's web work –
free from blame he dances and sways through fortunes?
delicate worries


Each line has a similar image.

Sorry for long explanation!

Sarah-Jane

Last edited by Sarah-Jane Crowson; 05-07-2022 at 05:32 AM. Reason: I forgot the crystal ball
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Unread 05-02-2022, 01:05 AM
John Isbell John Isbell is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: TX
Posts: 6,630
Default

I prefer image to text, I guess because it’s already trying hard to be poetry so I lose the alchemical transformation.

I had my palm read on Venice Beach by a defrocked Russian Orthodox priest. I was young and with a lady, and before starting, he said You are not a couple. I thought that was a huge dice throw and was very impressed.

Cheers,
John
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Unread 05-02-2022, 04:18 PM
Sarah-Jane Crowson's Avatar
Sarah-Jane Crowson Sarah-Jane Crowson is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 1,483
Default

Thanks John,

I have a few decisions to make with these four - I think at the moment they read visually cluttered with the text as a pure erasure, and there are other things I can do with the text that might be more sympathetic with the image, so it's very helpful to hear your thoughts.

Sarah-Jane
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Unread 05-02-2022, 05:01 PM
Jason Ringler Jason Ringler is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: United States of America
Posts: 193
Default

Sarah ,

Seems like your off to fine start.
I like the placement of the words, how they spread out at the fingers then gather in the palm area. The poem does well in its conveying of a palm reading in that way. The word dances seems to have some of its ink reflecting in the globe of water. The fish bird looks to be building a nest of leafy sprouts which could interpret as new starts around a globe of water. Good fortune. I think you’ will succeed at reinventing this. Be open for any unusual or less ordinary fortunes and maybe the unbelievable but true ones and misfortunes. Like John’s experience, I bet there are some strange tales out there. I like the entire sapphic as well, I feel it would be a good header or intro.

What other words were around "blame"? If that's an ok question or not.

Last edited by Jason Ringler; 05-02-2022 at 06:31 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Unread 05-02-2022, 06:48 PM
John Isbell John Isbell is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: TX
Posts: 6,630
Default

Hi Sarah-Jane,

I think the word blame dangles there very nicely! As Jason points out. OTOH, reflecting on your comment, I think the center of the palm may be a little cluttered at the moment, and the bird, lovely as it is, looks a bit like a sixth finger, if that's a bug, not a feature for you.
I very much like your thought of using a palmreader's palm as your template here.

Cheers,
John
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Unread 05-03-2022, 06:36 PM
Jason Ringler Jason Ringler is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: United States of America
Posts: 193
Default

Hi Sarah,

You mentioned the image being cluttered, I wonder if removing some of the branches or fading them so the lines of the hand come through, but keep most of the leaves. I like the mushrooms and they go with the meaning of the palm reading, I wonder those are too many maybe , but bring them out more.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Unread 05-04-2022, 03:29 PM
Sarah-Jane Crowson's Avatar
Sarah-Jane Crowson Sarah-Jane Crowson is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 1,483
Default

Hi both,

Thanks for coming back to this.

Jason, the words around 'blame' are 'The owner of the Empty Hand does not feel things deeply. Praise or blame do not affect him greatly'. It goes on to say that 'He goes through life rather like a cabbage, with little sensitivity'!

John, I think that's a good point about the position of the bird-fish.

I think what I'm going to do is try to move the bird-fish and manipulate some of the lines so it looks as if the bird-fish is sucking them out of the palm - that will work to sustain a narrative of the palm-reader somehow sucking on futures like honey, which I quite like.

It'll take me a while, but I'll post a revision once the work is done. In the meantime, thank you! Your comments have helped me think of a way to improve this (I hope).

Sarah-Jane
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Unread 05-07-2022, 05:28 AM
Sarah-Jane Crowson's Avatar
Sarah-Jane Crowson Sarah-Jane Crowson is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 1,483
Default

Revision posted.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Unread 05-07-2022, 09:10 AM
John Isbell John Isbell is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: TX
Posts: 6,630
Default

Hi Sarah-Jane,

I like where your edit has taken this: it feels less cluttered, the bird isn't a finger, and there's narrative thrust to the bird and the lines of the palm. I'm not sure you need your complete text at bottom, though. Anyhow - very much enjoyed. I still like the palm as template and think a series might be possible.

Cheers,
John
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Unread 05-07-2022, 02:16 PM
Sarah-Jane Crowson's Avatar
Sarah-Jane Crowson Sarah-Jane Crowson is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 1,483
Default

Thank you John, that's helpful.

I think whether I leave the text at the bottom depends on where/how these develop. I have four, all first drafts from April's slog of poem-a-day. I don't think the source text could stand more. It feels like archive research, sometimes, making these. Combined with chance and the dérive, which is probably at the heart of most of the work I make.

Onwards!

Sarah-Jane
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



Forum Right Top
Forum Left Bottom Forum Right Bottom
 
Right Left
Member Login
Forgot password?
Forum LeftForum Right


Forum Statistics:
Forum Members: 8,272
Total Threads: 21,166
Total Posts: 266,145
There are 146 users
currently browsing forums.
Forum LeftForum Right


Forum Sponsor:
Donate & Support Able Muse / Eratosphere
Forum LeftForum Right
Right Right
Right Bottom Left Right Bottom Right

Hosted by ApplauZ Online