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  #1  
Unread 10-22-2016, 12:15 AM
Aaron Poochigian Aaron Poochigian is offline
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Default Hundreds of Corks


Hundreds of Corks

Close to the end of June, here is the first
bottle of wine I've opened since the fight
on New Year's. Corks he had removed, dispersed,
still turn up in his wake, not watertight
but buoyant. Can I now salvage the true
from the synthetic, use them in my craft?
How to redeem this drunken residue--
discard? Repurpose? (Coasters, trivets, raft...)
Does rearranging substance justify it?
It's peaceful now, no chattering TV.
Can there be such a thing as too much quiet?
At least no one's misunderstanding me.
Unwittingly he reinforced the vessel
I've learned to steer, the hull in which I nestle.
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  #2  
Unread 10-22-2016, 12:18 AM
Aaron Poochigian Aaron Poochigian is offline
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The poem gives a thorough account of the reasons behind a final breakup “fight” by giving various hints about the relationship’s problems—a “drunken residue” of corks, the noise that is now replaced with “quiet,” the “misunderstanding.” The speaker, though, goes a step further—he/she considers ways to triumph over the failure by making something of the remains. The closing couplet then goes on to “make something” of the maritime language and imagery scattered throughout the preceding stanzas (“wake,” “watertight,” “buoyant,” “craft” and “raft”).
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  #3  
Unread 10-22-2016, 07:28 AM
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Catherine Chandler Catherine Chandler is offline
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I enjoyed this meditative sonnet. So many unanswered questions.

The DG has rightly pointed out the nautical allusions, and, if I may go further, the whole brings to mind the paradox of the ship of Theseus, a theme very dear to my own heart.

Also the idea of what is true or false is portrayed in the real, versus the synthetic, corks.

The double meaning of craft is finely placed.

I assume the title is hyperbolic !

I like the ambiguity of the final line.
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Unread 10-22-2016, 09:11 AM
Michael Cantor Michael Cantor is offline
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I like this private and quiet little poem. Except for the (Coasters, trivets, raft...) interjection in L8 - which seems forced and awkward - it is very much of a piece, the language is consistent, it has a tone and an approach which I don't see often in sonnets, and because it works it makes the poem memorable. But I would suggest taking another look at L8. Lots of rhymes to play with. Laughed?
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Unread 10-22-2016, 09:55 AM
Susan McLean Susan McLean is offline
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I like the way the corks that keep surfacing become a metaphor for the speaker, who also is "not watertight / but bouyant." The implication of initial tears, but recovered ability to survive, adds a hopeful tone to what otherwise might be a melancholy meditation. The nautical metaphor fits with the feeling that the speaker is still at sea, but able to steer her own craft (with a nice pun). The middle part in which there are a lot of end-stopped lines calls attention to the rhymes in a way can make one question some of them (as Michael does with "raft"), whereas they become nearly invisible in the enjambed sections at the beginning and end.

Susan
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Unread 10-22-2016, 10:22 AM
Julie Steiner Julie Steiner is offline
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Actually, it's the first part of that line--"discard? Repurpose?"--rather than the ending--"(Coasters, trivets, raft?)" that troubles me a bit. You can't "redeem" (previous line) anything when you "discard" it.

Personally, I'd like to see that line be a more Martha Stewart-like list of DIY projects, ending with the facetious "Raft?":

(A message center, coasters, trivets? Raft?)

or perhaps

(Upcycled corkboard, coasters, trivets? Raft?)

"corkboard" is, of course, redundant, but Martha's forever saying "upcycled".

[Edited to say: After thinking it over, I don't think either of my suggestions is better than the original. But I still have minor qualms about "discard? Repurpose?"]

Regardless, I like this sonnet a lot.

Last edited by Julie Steiner; 10-22-2016 at 11:18 AM.
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Unread 10-22-2016, 02:00 PM
Mary McLean Mary McLean is offline
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This is a great idea for a sonnet, but I'm not sure it makes the most of the form. Where and what is the turn? L10-12 seem like a digression from the main strong metaphor, and come across as overly easy relationship speak. The final couplet brings it back for a strong ending, and I like it overall but feel I could have liked it more.
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  #8  
Unread 10-22-2016, 11:08 PM
Rick Ferris Rick Ferris is offline
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This is beautifully done.
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  #9  
Unread 10-23-2016, 01:27 AM
Simon Hunt Simon Hunt is offline
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Very nice. I don't quite understand it all yet but find that it's repaying repeated readings.
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  #10  
Unread 10-23-2016, 09:31 AM
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Martin Rocek Martin Rocek is offline
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A fine and interesting effort. The vague reference to N’s “craft” is a bit disconcerting—a little more context might make the metaphor stronger. I wonder about the punctuation at the end; perhaps this would be smoother:

Unwittingly he reinforced the vessel:
I've learned to steer the hull in which I nestle.
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