[Julie Steiner]

DRAFT ONE WITH GREEN TWEAKS

Counterpoint (parts 1-5 of many)                                   Title was: Evolution

1.

Opposable thumbs,
so handy when it comes
to climbing trees, now go to town
sending emoji-selfies, upside down.

2.

From time immemorial,
by which I mean arboreal—
though, technically, most of our number
still live in lumber—
being an ego-toppler
has been poplar.

But those who’d once displace ya
from their acacia
or oak
with a poke
now prompt your downfall with a stroke                              now prompt your downfall with the stroke
of screen or key.                                                            of a screen or key.

Then—monkey see,
monkey do—
those within view
jeer at you,
as if reflexively. That's nothing new.
                                                                                     Section 2, Lines 18-21 were:
Here’s the novelty:                                                            Now, though, millions globally
millions, globally, now might hoot with glee.                         might hoot with glee.
                                                                                     Epicaricacy
Epicaricacy*                                                                      is epic in the epoch of OMG.
is epic in this epoch. OMG.

     * e-pi-car-i-ca-cy:
          From Ancient Greek ἐπιχαιρεκακία (epikhairekakía, “joy upon evil”).
          Rejoicing at or deriving pleasure from the misfortune of others.

3.

From privileged or precarious perches
in birches
or online,
many primates pine
to give—or see—a shove.
We absolutely love
looking down on others from above.

When someone’s sudden plummet to the dust is
viewable as karmic justice,
it’s hard to avoid a
sip of schadenfreude.

That sweet, intoxicating stuff
is irresistible enough
in private, but it’s harder to forswear it
when one can share it.

4.

Society is all about
who is in and who is out.

Nothing fosters brotherhood                                             Nothing promotes brotherhood
like fear of otherhood.                                                       like persecuting otherhood.

When one’s own position seems in doubt,
expressing loud approval
of another’s removal
announces, “I’m still inner,
unlike that sinner.”

5.

Assembling a mob that lusts to lynch                                   Assembling a mob that thirsts to lynch
is a cinch.
Just identify a
pariah,
and soon a festive, restive crowd’s uniting.
A bandwagon’s exciting.                                                  Hopping on a bandwagon’s exciting.
The lonely, weak, and cowardly are drawn
to pile on.

Those of us not lonely, weak,                                             And those of us not lonely, weak,
and cowardly are pretty damn unique.


~ To be continued ~

[Susan McLean]

The rhyming is delightful, though I must say that I had to look up "epicaricacy." Are you sure you want to be that far out there with vocabulary? There are some clichés, such as "hopping on a bandwagon." I don't mind them when you turn them into a pun, as you do with "pile on." I like all of the punning on trees. Have you considered "out of their trees" as an option? "Evolution" seems an odd title when your point is that we haven't evolved one bit.

Susan

[Andrew Frisardi]

Two opposable thumbs up on this one! Delightful from start to finish. The rhymes and wordplay romp.

I haven't bothered to look yet for nits, just enjoying it so far. Looking forward to the rest!

[Roger Slater]

What Andrew said.

[Jim Moonan]

.
I'm looking forward to reading this again, but wanted to echo Susan and Andrew's approval of the rhymes and wit. The rhythm, too, makes it flow without hitching.

There are many spots I could point out to be pleasing, but the rhyme of "identify a / pariah" really made me smile. Since he was ousted just yesterday by congress,It madame think immediately of George Santos.


.

[RCL]

Julie,

This is the verse that you were born to write, up to your wit, wisdom and wonderful rhyming. I'm sure Darwin would appreciate your devolutionary words that amuse and instruct.

[Carl Copeland]

The verse is overwhelmingly iambic, so I question your choice of forum, but non-met will want to keep you, so I won’t lodge a complaint. I agree with Ralph that this is your element, your strong suit, your signature dish. I can’t wait for more—and for the book when it comes out.

[John Riley]

This is wonderful, Julie

[Joe Crocker]

Funny, clever, savage. and enjoyably oddball.
Yay.

[Julie Steiner]

Tweaks posted above.

Dear Susan, Andrew, Roger, Jim, Ralph, Carl, John, and Ralph,

I'm relieved that this rather didactic piece has gone over as well as it has. Thanks very much for the encouragement. It means a lot.

Susan, I've changed the title to something that I hope will seem to apply immediately to #1, but will evolve into another meaning by the end. I've also trimmed the bandwagon bit to evoke the cliché without quoting so much of it.