[John Riley]

Revision

Sinews

It's time to meditate with the dog
in his place, the timer set,
for even in meditation time counts,
and when the bell rings the notes
wrap around one another
the way sinews weave and snap until,
freed from their duty,
they are distracted threads waving in joy
at the illusion of being set free.
The notes sidle out of the room,
promising to return,
and my dog sighs for the chase,
the bones eaten,
and me, this poem willowing
on the walls of my closed eyes,
breathes in, breathes out, until


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Sinews

It's time to meditate with the dog
in his place, the timer set,
for even in meditation time counts,
and when the bell rings the notes
wrap around one another
the way sinews weave and snap until,
freed from their duty,
they are distracted threads waving in joy
at the illusion of being set free.
The notes sidle out of the room,
promising to return,
and my dog sighs for he is full
of the chase and the want
of the bones eaten,
and me, this poem willowing
on the walls of my closed eyes,
breathes in, breathes out, until

[Carl Copeland]

Hi, John. I love the image of you and the dog sitting together. It’s fun to think of the dog as a meditator, but of course he’s not and has no need to be, which in turn pokes a little fun at humans trying to meditate their way to the simplicity of dog consciousness. A couple nits or half-nits:

I first thought the bell and timer were the same thing, which places most of the poem post-meditation. That ultimately didn’t make sense, but it took me a while to get turned around.

I was a little unsure at first how “me” in L15 fits in, but I guess the dog is full of the want of you: though right beside him, you’re meditatively absent. I’d put a semicolon or period after “me” to tip off the reader that what follows will be a complete sentence.

I love the way the poem ends.

[Jim Moonan]

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I know that deep, exhausted dog sigh. It is a beautiful thing.

The phrase "for he is full" took me out of the poem briefly. It just sounds unnatural. It sounds almost parabolic. You could use a semicolon or colon after "sigh" and drop the "for"

and my dog sighs; he is full
of the chase and the want
of the bones eaten,

I cannot fathom a timed meditation. But that's my problem. I am fascinated by this careful, contemplative demystified recounting of a meditation. I still struggle to gather the discipline to meditate but have learned to be still and open the door wide to contemplation.

I, too, think you've boldly ended the poem with a meditational burst of the bubble allowing the poem to float in particles to the ground.

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[John Riley]

I've posted a slight revision determined by the comments.

Carl, I use a bell app that is also a timer. The bell at the beginning rings three times and rings at the end. It's Zen practice and the app is from Plum Village. I used the comma.

Jim, I altered L15. It's simpler and I think clearer now.

As always thanks for the help.

[Joe Crocker]

Hi John

Like Carl, I assumed the bells only went off when the set time had elapsed and the session was finished. It's much clearer from comments what is going on. I too love the dog and his doggy resignation. I’m not sure I understand the sinews though. They are clearly a key metaphor and the poem takes them as its title. The notes signalling the start of the meditation session are compared to muscles flexing and snapping free of their anchors. Unburdened, they may wriggle freely. But this feels like a surprisingly violent, tendon pulling, painful experience that I wouldn’t associate with meditation.(But then I have never properly tried to meditate.) The notes then “sidle out of the room”. "Sidle" has connotations of furtiveness. What are the notes up to? Where are they going with their promise of return? What is the dog thinking? Is there a poem here? These, I suspect are the stream of consciousness, free association questions that meditation is trying to wipe away. Perhaps the poem is mostly about the rabbit holes that lead the meditator off course. Perhaps this is just the preamble mind-clearing before the focus on breathing and only breathing.

Am I making any sense?

Joe

[John Riley]

Thanks, Joe. It's interesting how a simple poem can be so hard. Maybe the sinews don't work or it is specific to meditators. There is a breaking out of what Thay called the monkey brain at a point, but perhaps snapping sinews is too loud. I wandered away from doing it for a while and am working my way back in and have to be patient. It's called a practice.

Anyway, you've pointed out what I need to consider. Thanks.

[Jim Moonan]

Coming back to say how I like the way the N spends the time to fully manifest the alarm/bell. There is meditation within it. Also the opening line’s enjambment is an unexpected paradigm shift that surprise me so early in the poem as to wake me up to listening.

I did/do find “sinews” as being strange imagery but I like it.

I like the changes you’ve made. I think they smooth things.

I had no problem with “timer/bells” and immediately thought of them as being one and the same.

Your poetry continues to nudge me closer and closer to opening up to both meditation and jazz : )

[W T Clark]

John, I feel like this could be gutted. What I object to is the overly ornate language ("for") and the reference to the poem. It sees to me that what attracts me to this is the sinews: the earthiness of it that seems in some sense to give meditation a kind of animal energy: the pure animal body of the dog is what interests me, I want something more physical, more full of guts. So gut it, as they say: let the guts show more.

Hope this helps.

[John Riley]

Cam, I can’t disagree with you. I’ve been flailing about some lately. This is petite at best from conception. Thanks for the comment.

[Jim Moonan]

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Originally Posted by W T Clark

John, I feel like this could be gutted... give meditation a kind of animal energy: the pure animal body of the dog is what interests me, I want something more physical, more full of guts. So gut it, as they say: let the guts show more.

Well, now that you put it that way : ) Fantastic insight, Cameron.


Yes I see what he is urging you to do. If you do end up wrestling with this to make it more muscular it would in fact become an unusual meditation.

As is, you might be able to slip it into a collection somewhere in the middle. But that's not where you want to leave it, I'm sure.


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