[Andrew Frisardi]

Originally Posted by Carl Copeland

The word here literally means “amusements.” I guess today we’d say “fun,” but that sounds too modern and/or banal to me. Maybe I’m wrong.

Personally, I like "hours of fun" there more than "hours of merriment," which overloads the passage with stuffy language. Also, then you have a couple of syllables for getting back the idea that the leisure is "boring": maybe "in hours of fun and boring leisure"?

Originally Posted by Carl Copeland

Thanks again, Andrew, and I’d still be interested in your take on my post #7.

I see what you mean now. Yes, I agree that "called me out" would suggest a sense you don't want there.

[David Callin]

Here I am again, arriving after you and Andrew have done all the hard work (and possibly to say "oh, you've missed a bit").

Like Andrew, I'll just limit myself to the first poem for the moment (and because that's by far my favourite anyway - so far, at least).

And, like Andrew, I think it works really well. ("Love divine, all loves excelling" came powerfully to mind as soon as I started reading). You seem to have the emphases spot on, and not artificially either. My only question would be in L3 - is the stress slightly off on "beyond"? A slightly churlish question, perhaps, given your success in the rest of the poem.

Cheers

David

[Carl Copeland]

David, latecomers may still be the life of the party, and that bit I’ve missed may be crucial. Thanks for another vote against “beyond.” I don’t mind it, but if it jars you and Andrew and an editor friend of mine, there must be a problem. For now, I’ve taken the latter’s suggestion, though Andrew thinks that too sounds forced. If you have thoughts about the other two poems, no time will be too late.