[Hilary Biehl]

Originally Posted by Matt Q

I think "morning" is fairly redundant in L1, given that it's dawn, so I wouldn't have a problem with losing it. That's the problem I'm having with with L1: The original was four feet, and I can't find anything to fill the missing foot with that really adds anything. But useful to know it adds something for you.

The original L1 did have a pleasing abruptness and simplicity. I noticed that it was shorter but it didn't bother me. (I think it would have bothered me if it had occurred later in the poem, rather than as the first line ... something about the pattern being already established etc.) For whatever that's worth.

[Rick Mullin]

I did specify the importance "morning", and that would be redundant with dawn. On the other hand, I don't think "dawn" and "morning mist" are redundant. I like that original first line even if I'm wrong about that.