[Susan McLean]

Jim, I am sorry that my poem reminds you of your mother's death. It is good to hear how you reacted to it, under the circumstances. I have occasionally written in the first person about experiences that happened to someone else, but usually to protect the privacy of the person who actually had the experience. I don't think the first person will work well in this case, but it was interesting to consider.

Mary, I am torn between the two titles, "Clocking Out" and "Unseen." The former plays up the irony of the poem, and the latter points to the poignance of the situation. I may try the poem with one title at one journal and with the other at another, if it is not accepted on the first submission. I may also take your suggestion to change the "But" to "and" in S1L1, but I notice that you seem to want to iron out some of my metrical variations. I find a very regular meter to be boring, so I deliberately put in a lot of metrical variations, and I will probably keep them. I never mind hearing other people's suggestions and seeing how they might rewrite lines. Sometimes I incorporate the revision and sometimes I don't, but I like to have the chance to think again about my choices.

Susan

[Mary Boren]

I notice that you seem to want to iron out some of my metrical variations.

I'm sorry, is that considered a breach of etiquette?

[Susan McLean]

Mary, no, nothing is off the table. I am just letting you know that metrical variations are part of my usual writing style, and that I am therefore reluctant to change them. If they cause major problems, I may still change them, but I also write in loose iambics at times, so my approach to meter may be less regular, more conversational, than you expect.

Susan