[Trevor Conway]

Hi David,

It can be trimmed, for sure, though my feeling for now is that reducing it by so much probably wouldn't suit (because of the loss of material that I currently feel is essential). I'll try it and see what happens.

Thanks again for coming back on it. I appreciate the care you're putting into this.

Trevor

[Trevor Conway]

Hi Jim,

Thanks very much for commenting. That's exactly what I'm going for, the whole struggle of it all. I think it just came across as long-winded to some of the other readers, but I'm glad that what I envisaged hit home in your case. Hades will surely be removed, as suggested by others. The repetition of lumpy was also pointed out as a weak point. I'm going to look for an alternative, but I can't find one that's as satisfactory as lumpy, I keep the repetition.

Anyway, thanks very much for giving me a window into your experience with this poem.

All the best,

Trevor

[Hilary Biehl]

Originally Posted by Trevor Conway

It can be trimmed, for sure, though my feeling for now is that reducing it by so much probably wouldn't suit (because of the loss of material that I currently feel is essential).

The more I write, the more I discover that what I think is essential probably isn't. It is certainly possible to edit too much, to cut too much. But often I find I have to sacrifice my original vision in order to have a good poem.

Just a thought.

[Trevor Conway]

That's a good point, Hilary, and it often takes the input of others (and sometimes a bit of time) to realise when your vision needs to be adjusted, so I very much appreciate your feedback and that of others here. It seems like a great forum from my experience so far.

Many thanks again,

Trevor

Originally Posted by Hilary Biehl

The more I write, the more I discover that what I think is essential probably isn't. It is certainly possible to edit too much, to cut too much. But often I find I have to sacrifice my original vision in order to have a good poem.

Just a thought.