[Jayne Osborn]

Hi Duncan,

Oh, what a wonderful tribute to Ann!

It tells those who never knew you as a couple some details a) about Ann herself and b) your life together, to form a picture of a loving, contented marriage, literally "until death do us part".

I didn't know the song Tangled Up in Blue (whilst I wouldn't go quite so far as to call Bob Dylan a "snarling villain", I must admit I was never a fan of his) so I Googled it to get the tune, as your poem is set to it. I didn't listen for very long... (sorry!) but I'm sure I'll get to hear you sing Mrs MacLovely Ann at some stage.

So, at the moment, it's a poem to me, rather than a song, and as such all the times you write an' instead of and - I think it's nine times - and also nothin', I'd much prefer to see the full words; you no doubt sing it that way, as singers often do, but on the page I don't see any advantage in the abbreviations because it's not as if you're losing any syllables.

With that in mind, as there are three in quick succession, you could maybe lose one an' here:

We got a dog, quadruple-crossed,
so full of love an’ grace,
an’ gradually we kind of lost

I haven't any other quibbles (I like that word ). I think it's an altogether-lovely-poem!

Jayne

[Jim Ramsey]

Hi Duncan,

I read this through and found it interesting as a condensed biography of a relationship and touching as a tribute to someone who was greatly loved. With its emphasis on rhyme it may serve best as the song you intend it to be. I remember that you've posted links of you sharing prior pieces of yours in song. When you decide this one is in finished form, I hope you share it that way too.

All the best,
Jim

[Duncan Gillies MacLaurin]

Cheers, Jayne!

I'm fairly committed to dropping the 'd' in 'and' and the 'g' in '-ing' when they aren't pronounced in either a spoken or sung version.

But that was a good call with regard to the triple 'an''. I've reworked it in such a way that there's only one left now.

x Duncan

[Duncan Gillies MacLaurin]

Cheers, Jim!

I'll remember to do that.

Best
Duncan