[David Callin]

It is a lovely poem. Conventional me thinks that he slightly prefers Mark's punctuated version, but even he has to admit that the unpunctuated version sounds far more like John, rugged and recondite. (Sorry, overtaken by alliteration there.)

Cheers

David

[Nick McRae]

What about a happy medium re: punctuation? I like the original, airy version. But a few well placed commas might improve a few lines.

[John Riley]

Thanks, Matt, Nick, and David. I appreciate any suggestions. I may not move on them quickly. I've learned that isn't usually wise the hard way. But they're not forgotten.

[Mark McDonnell]

Conventional me thinks that he slightly prefers Mark's punctuated version, but even he has to admit that the unpunctuated version sounds far more like John, rugged and recondite. (Sorry, overtaken by alliteration there.)

And by an interesting dual personality thing too!

John, I'm sure you're right to stick with your instincts. I probably went too far posting a whole "alternative version", the result being that it made my small nit seem much bigger than it was. That poem would be my poem and, as David says, this poem is very much you.

Mark

[Cally Conan-Davies]

John, I've been reading this a lot. I like it more and more with each reading. It's lovely in the mouth—to speak aloud.

I actually miss saying the line you cut. I love that line! It's a close call on that one.

I love the last line, too.

Yes!

Cally

[John Riley]

Thanks, Mark. The question what are my instincts?

Cally, thanks for reading. I love it that you love the sounds. I do think I'm going to restore that line.

[Rick Mullin]

Getting to this late in the game. Glad I did! Just want to say: wonderful.
It's also late in the day--not up to a deep dive, but it would be: all good.

[John Riley]

Thanks, Rick. I’m glad you like it.