Quote:
Originally Posted by R. S. Gwynn
I've translated Villon, but I miss the references everyone seems to see. I'll have to go back through the poem and comments. . L .
[Added] Is the title alone supposed to summon Villon?
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Yes, the title is the connection to Villon (although it could just as easily connect it to Rimbaud, Baudelaire, or Verlaine).
Alexandra, Rick, and
Jim, you expressed some discomfort with the length/ending. The concluding couplet is the traditional way to end a poem in
terza rima—at least that’s how Dante did it.
Julie Steiner taught me about a medieval/Renaissance verse form called a
capitolo. This is usually a satirical poem in
terza rima that ends with a single line rhyming with the middle line of the last tercet. She translated a clever
capitolo by Machiavelli on Opportunity in the “Translation” section. Perhaps I’ll think about a way to reduce my final couplet to one line.
Rick, your radical tercetectomy has the virtue of solving the “spill” and “pile” problems, and I must admit I like it better and better every time I come back to it. I think it pretty much says what I wanted to say without belaboring an admittedly fuzzy image. It also reduces it to 14 lines, giving it exactly the same
terza rima sonnet structure as Frost’s “Acquainted with the Night,” which, in tone and subject matter is very similar to my poem. What a good idea!
Jan, an
envoi is a short concluding stanza usually found at the end of a
ballade or complaint, but the concluding couplet in
terza rima probably serves the same purpose. An
envoi originally was supposed to function as an address to the person who was supposed to carry the poem to its intended reader. Chaucer, in order to ask his boss for a raise, wrote a clever “Complaint to His Purse,” including an
envoi to King Henry IV—his boss.
Carl, my thinking in the first tercet is that like Medusa’s curse, the poet’s curse prevents him from being able to befriend people, and like Cain’s curse, it protects him from hostile attacks, for example, by menacing dogs. I think I fixed the metrical issue in line 1 that you and Alexandra pointed out.
Thanks, everyone, for your critiques and ideas. I’ll keep working on it.
Glenn