[John Riley]

Thanks to each for the help. Spacing the lines is great. It gives the poem the effect I wanted.

I also took Cam's suggestion and changed "toward" to "to."

It's encouraging that the poem is doing some of what I wanted.

Thanks again for all the help.

[Jim Moonan]

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I like the basic thought behind adding space, but feel the images are now fragmented/islands, giving the poem a list-like quality when in fact they are, in a loose way, connected To me, there is a more organic way of letting the poem's "emphatically bare statement resonate more fully" by allowing each statement to be tethered into a couplets. It also allows for the final line to become a single statement. It could be that I'm re-imagining the poem in my head to be something it's not....


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[John Riley]

Thanks for coming back, Jim. I'm going to let it sit for a bit. I'll keep this in mind for then.