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I like the basic thought behind adding space, but feel the images are now fragmented/islands, giving the poem a list-like quality when in fact they are, in a loose way, connected To me, there is a more organic way of letting the poem's "emphatically bare statement resonate more fully" by allowing each statement to be tethered into a couplets. It also allows for the final line to become a single statement. It could be that I'm re-imagining the poem in my head to be something it's not....
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Last edited by Jim Moonan; 08-08-2024 at 07:56 AM.
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