[Jim Moonan]

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Hi Glenn, It still has the feel of narrative prose. The voice has a pulp fiction/noir quality to it à la Raymond Chandler et al. who told it like they saw it. To my ear, the opening line is classic pulp fiction-style writing.

I do think it would make for a good piece of flash fiction. But as poetry it is too prosaically phrased and the imagery too grounded.

As I said in my earlier post, the theme is interesting but I don't relate it personally. A fender bender and sex may be comparable, but not in my world. But the world is made up of infinite universes and vice versa : )

Just out of curiosity, I turned each stanza into prose lineation, with the exception of the last two stanzas which I combined into one. I just wanted to see what it would read like:


Fenderbender

The road is as familiar to me as my wife’s body, but slicker than I thought. I know better than to stomp the brake, but I do it anyway, and surf a wave of karmic momentum. The crash takes forever.

Our bumpers meet, kiss, embrace, and crumple into one another. In post-coital lassitude, my car lets out a puff of smoke. The guy I struck walks over, strangely calm. In shock? I almost ask him, “Was it good for you?” Instead, I ask if anyone is hurt and tell him I’m fine.

The woman with him rubs her neck and glares at me. I imagine her in the near future, in a courtroom, in a neck brace, maybe in a wheelchair. I want to apologize to her. My fuckup has left her violated. At which point I realize I’m aroused.

My face burns in the frigid wind. We swap information and a cop pulls up. The woman says she wants to see a doctor, then says she wants to go home. No breathalyzer, no citation. Everyone drives off leaving me with my undrivable car. I turn on my flashers and wait for the tow truck. I feel like I deserve a punishment even though it was an accident. Snow starts falling. I want it to erase me.


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[Glenn Wright]

Hi, Mark and Ashley—

The 1973 novel, Crash, by J. G. Ballard (which I have not read) was made into the 1996 film, by Canadian director David Cronenberg. I did not consciously have the film in mind when I wrote my poem, but in retrospect, I can see that I must have subconsciously used the film’s theme of the sexualized violence of car crashes, Mark. I’ll see if I can cut some more waste from the poem.

The film you are thinking of, Ashley, is coincidentally also titled Crash. It was directed by Paul Haggis and won an Oscar for Best Film in 2004. I don’t think this film has much more than its title in common with the earlier film. It is focused more on the racial dynamics of several people involved in a car crash. I will give some thought to the verbs in the poem.

Thanks, both, for your responses.

Glenn

[Glenn Wright]

Hi, Jim—

I can’t make up my mind whether this piece works better as a poem or as a piece of prose.
I feel a lot more confident writing metrical poetry, but I have been trying to work in non-met for the last few weeks. I think that if I want to make this more successful as a poem, I will have to be more ruthless about cutting away the narrative scaffolding. I’ll play around with that and see where it goes. Thanks for sharing your insights!

Glenn

[Mark McDonnell]

The film you are thinking of, Ashley, is coincidentally also titled Crash. It was directed by Paul Haggis and won an Oscar for Best Film in 2004.

No, Ashley is thinking of the 1996 Cronenberg film, which did star James Spader and Holly Hunter.

Sorry Glenn. The film nerd in me can't let these things go. I won't sleep, otherwise.

[Jim Moonan]

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Originally Posted by Glenn Wright

I can’t make up my mind whether this piece works better as a poem or as a piece of prose.
I feel a lot more confident writing metrical poetry, but I have been trying to work in non-met for the last few weeks. I think that if I want to make this more successful as a poem, I will have to be more ruthless about cutting away the narrative scaffolding. I’ll play around with that and see where it goes. Thanks for sharing your insights!

Glenn

I know metrical is your most fertile ground, but I really admire the fact that you venture outside your comfort zone. If I had your talents I might even attempt a trifecta and write a metrical, free verse and prose version of this. At one point as I read the poem I even got a tinge of Kafka. I don't know why.

Given the conceit, I can envision this scenario taking a twist and entering a taboo world of sex fueling violence fueling sex. Writing a version in that vein would certainly give an edginess to your reputation : )

Knowing that you prefer writing metrical verse, I can actually feel in the poem a metrical poet trying to break out of the mold and speak in free verse. Carl knows the feeling.

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[Glenn Wright]

Good catch, Mark! I stand corrected.