[Roger Slater]

I don't see how you can say "fire" with just one syllable if you are going to pronounce the vowel the same way you'd pronounce the pronoun "I". If you pronounce it more like an "a" so it sounds a lot like "far", I can see, but saying "I" puts my mouth out of position to attach an "r" sound without saying it "err".

But in general, I think you're right to question the idea of avoiding words that have regional differences in pronunciation. On the one hand, you want to avoid having readers stumble over a line because they pronounce things differently. On the other hand, you may want to trust the reader to be aware of alternative pronunciations and use them where necessary to maintain the meter. I generally take the former approach, especially when I'm writing children's verse.

[Max Goodman]

Originally Posted by Marshall Begel

Are there other ways to look at this?

To my ear, "fire" is a syllable-and-a-smidge. To scan it as two syllables feels like more of a fudge than to scan it as one--also a fudge. In a poem (like this) in which metrical precision isn't crucial, I wouldn't be bothered either way.

[Susan McLean]

Jim, to fire someone, you have to have a reason beyond just wanting to hire someone cheaper. Layoffs can usually be justified on economic grounds and don't require wrongdoing on the part of the employee. I have known good employers, too, but they seem to be becoming rarer under the reign of the MBAs.

Max, I think poetry is a larger tent than Frost gives it credit for being. There is some grief in this poem, but it is suggested, not stated. Swift's "saeva indignatio" [fierce indignation] has a place in poetry, too, though one wouldn't welcome that note all the time. I agree that it is harder to make the poem "poetic" when it is a harsh satire.

Marshall, Max, and Roger, my dictionaries (which are old) give "fire" one syllable, but the pronunciation really does vary by region. I try to look at the word in the context of the line to figure out how disruptive it will be to treat it as one syllable. However, I also write in loose iambics at times, and that allows a bit of leeway.

Susan

[Mary Boren]

Susan, you're well on the way to an HR coffee table book with this companion piece to the one about the worker dead four days in her cubicle before anyone noticed. Since I've already revealed myself as a meter freak, I guess it won't surprise you that I like the smooth flow of this one. I wouldn't have tripped on 'fire' because it's one syllable where I live, but I agree that 'lay you off' is a better choice for cost efficiency even if not metrical consistency. Not to put too fine a point on it, but I'm not sure 'repair' is the right word for S1/L4 to end on, other than as a convenient rhyme. I dunno, maybe it's humorous to think of repairing a human body instead of curing it in the context of corporate America.

Come to think of it, that line and the next open a whole 'nother can o' wordworms, as 'require repair' might potentially be stretched to six syllables and 'retiring' to four by non rhotic speakers, so there ya go. If we try to avoid iffy words altogether there would be no end to it, and don't y'all think the technological age has shrunk the world's borders enough to accommodate international speech patterns? Poets of old would surely envy the ease with which we with accents from the haughtiest to the hokiest can recite poems as intended on Soundcloud, YouTube, Instagram, etc.. Doubtful many of them would trade, though, if a high-stress workplace is the only other offer on the table.

[Paula Fernandez]

Hi Susan--

I've read this poem many times now. My first instinct was to just walk on past, but you've always been generous in providing me feedback for my poems (both positive and negative), so I wanted to respond generously to yours as well.

I have enjoyed many of your poems for their wit and playfulness (that poem about couplets!), their clever craftsmanship (the "O" poem), and their distinctive metaphors (the flowers/Marilyn Monroe). For me, this poem is not on par with these and others you've shared here. "Management" is a monolith in your poem--a faceless force of capitalism at its worst. But isn't "management" just a bunch of individual people? I'm not sure why it's okay to launch an attack on a class of people like this, many (perhaps most) of whom are just trying to do the hard job of balancing the needs of the corporation against the needs of the individuals on their teams. Surely we've all, at some time, had a great work experience on an effective team led by a compassionate and inspiring leader? I certainly have.

It also just lacks any sense of humor or wit. The jabs are all just sad. (And also not true--of course we can monetize experience!) As always with your work, the poem is crafted well, but it's just not hitting anything I recognize. As a proud owner of an MBA degree--who has worked extensively in private and public companies led by other MBAs--I firmly deny the premise of this poem. We are not soulless profit calculators. Some of us (gasp) even write poetry in our free time.

Since HBR was raised elsewhere in the comments, I'll just point to this article in this month's issue: https://hbr.org/2024/10/how-to-compa...rminal-illness. We MBAs talk all the time about the balancing act. Team building, aligning incentives, building shared vision, getting the best fit job for every employee... all core parts of an MBA education.

[Susan McLean]

Mary, "repair" was chosen to suggest that the worker is being treated as a machine.

Paula, I don't want to demonize MBAs (and they aren't actually mentioned in the poem, just in my discussion of it). I have a close relation who recently got his MBA, and who is fearful of losing his job because his boss thinks he isn't maximizing profit enough. I was just trying to argue that when the main goal of an organization is saving money/increasing profit, workers often suffer. If older, more experienced workers are pressured to retire so that they can be replaced by younger, less expensive workers, they will feel that their knowledge and experience is not valued.

I was interested to read that research is being done on how to deal humanely with workers who are terminally ill. It is always a challenge to deal with such situations, and some employers will do so more thoughtfully than others. Unfortunately, most people will know someone who was treated badly by people in charge. I thought it was actually better to satirize bad management in general than to go after individuals. That way, no one can feel personally attacked.

That said, I am not arguing that this poem is highly effective. I can't tell in advance whether a poem will be good or bad. I just have to write it to see, and my workshopping it is my effort to ascertain what works and what doesn't. I write a lot of different kinds of poems, but satire is one favorite genre of mine. Effective satire usually has an edge. I once wrote an article about Martial's Latin epigrams, which I tltled "Playing with Knives." Anyway, I know that some satire will offend some people. It goes with the territory. I try to listen to both the positive and the negative responses, because I can learn from both.

Susan

[Barbara Baig]

Hi Susan,
Since you are collecting various responses to this poem (and hoping you don't mind my not talking about meter, which I find rather dull), I'll say that I think this poem is terrific, and quite, alas, realistic. This kind of thing is going on all the time these days in Corporate America--just follow the news.

Naturally, there are exceptions: good companies; good people. But what you describe is, as far as I can tell, absolutely the cultural norm. Some day we'll escape from the Greed is Good mentality; but not right now.

As for this not being a poem: nonsense!

It's not a lyric poem--but that's only one among many kinds of poems we can read and write.

I applaud you for writing this poem and hope you can find it a good home. I don't have any specific suggestions, but I'm sure some magazine, online or otherwise, will happily accept it.

I also, for what it's worth, think this poem is done as is. Send it off!

Barbara