[Trevor Conway]

Thanks for following up, Glenn. Lines 10-12 seem to flow smoothly enough to me. Line 9 requires a bit of forced rhythm to work (saying it in a slightly unnatural way compared to the normal rhythm of speech). For now, I'm happy enough with that line too, though I might find something more natural-sounding that works better.

Cheers,

Trev

Originally Posted by Glenn Wright

Hi, Trev—

I like the changes, but the meter in the second stanza (lines 9-12] is still a little rocky.
I agree with Matt that separating the octet into two quatrains would highlight the contrast between ancient weather folklore and modern scientific meteorology, as well as making the sonnet form clearer.

FWIW

Glenn