[Harry Nicolas]

.smile nice a me Give .please here lens camera the at look And
something try lets Alright !relax up Ease .lens the at directly Look
.there not No! .this like just thigh your on elbow your Put .different

Nope wrong side. I know you’re used to getting in the other side.
Just reverse out and we’ll get going. Stay on the left! Clockwise!
You’re getting the hang of it now. Good Job. You missed the turn.

!focus on come –the about on went I good was intro This
.pages straight 10 for seeding cloud of cons and Pros
clouds the in was head my mistakes grammer Careless

Hyper-awareness of others' view. Difficulty maintaining eye contact.
How often do I feel compelled to do things like I were driven by a motor.
Hyperfocus on areas of interest. Maladaptive daydreaming.

“Description of violations:
Unphotogenic, running red light, plagiarism.
This matter is to be handled for the rest of my life.”

[Yves S L]

Hello Harry.

This kept my interest. No analysis is currently coming to me so take this comment as a placeholder that might not get filled in.

Yeah!

[Glenn Wright]

Hi, Harry—

This was a lot of fun. It felt sort of like an homage to E. E. Cummings. I read it as comparing the writing process to learning to drive a car. In S1 the N is photographed for his learner’s permit. In S2 he is unable to master the rules, and in S3-5 he is defending himself in court for various violations.

Minor nits:
In S3L3 did you mean for “grammer” to be spelled “grammar?”
In S4L2 did you want to replace “like” (a preposition that shouldn’t be followed by a verb) with “as if?”

I like the energy and originality.

Glenn

[Hilary Biehl]

Hi Harry,

In the typographical experimentation and punctuation I can see some superficial similarities to E. E. Cummings, but Cummings poems usually involve wordplay, metaphors, similes, inventive imagery - which this doesn't as far as I can tell.

Glenn's comment helped somewhat with interpretation, although I'm not seeing in what way this poem addresses the writing process. I can gather from the poem that the N is or feels constantly in the wrong, the object of criticism from others. I think in the first stanza he is being photographed (not sure for what purpose), in the second stanza he is learning to drive, then in the third perhaps he is in school writing a paper and getting distracted (?) but really I don't know .... In the fourth he seems to be speaking to a therapist about his perceived failings, and the final stanza is him running into trouble with the law.

What I would really like to know is what purpose the scrambled syntax serves here and whether it is necessary to this particular poem. Is it meant to make the reader feel as disoriented and "in the wrong" as the N feels? Does it represent his failure to master the very basics of life, language? Or is it merely there to distract us?

I don't know. I wonder whether it would be possible to write this poem without hiding behind chopped up sentences and exclamation marks that serve no purpose. I also wonder about the complete lack of imagery.

It's also possible that I am missing the point, but maybe something here will be helpful.

[Harry Nicolas]

Hey Hilary,

E.E. Cummings has been a massive influence on my poetry. I wasn’t necessarily trying to emulate him here but I can see the resemblance.

The over arching theme of this poem is struggling with symptoms of neurodivergence, specifically things like adjustment, following rules.

The title is to show how people with Attention deficit disorder put things off and I just wanted a funny way to show how I "forgot to finish" the title by not replacing the placeholder and uploaded it impulsively without taking the time to not come up with a title.

the scrambled syntax is meant to first throw the reader off and act as showing the reader how people with a neurodivergent condition like Autism spectrum disorder struggle with adjusting and learning social norms, have to adapt(like how the syntax goes back to normal in the second stanza), then reverts back, then changes again.

Another aspect of ASD is following instruction and misinterpreting social cues. The language is abrupt and I tried to make it similar to orders being yelled like a drill sargeant to mimc how it can be stressful for someone trying to follow instructions like lerning to drive a car or having their photo taken while also navigating dealing with the constant correction.

the driving part is supposed to mimic being thrown into uncomfortable environments. "I know you’re used to getting in the other side" is supposed to tell the reader that this person is driving in the reversed side drive country and the process of dealing with adjusting mentally.

Also the photography part is supposed to mimic masking since the "look at the lens directly" is supposed to mimic struggling with eye contact and with facial expressions. I guess the photography could be a metaphor for changing your behavior/masking in order to fit in/seem normal. the lens/ camera represents being judged by society.

Cloud seeding is the process of artificially creating clouds to make it rain, like taking stimulant medication in order to "artificially" make you focus. Hyperfocus for long periods of time is another aspect of ADHD so I tried highlighting that.

I have ADHD and ASD so I was trying to show the reader going through some of those things.

And Glenn to answer your questions. The word is intentionally mispelled, and I can change wording of the the other line.

[Yves S L]

Harry,

Now you have written all that out, I am not sure what kind of feedback you can expect. Sure, I caught most of what you were trying to say and do, but, well, now you have spelled it all out.

All I can do is sort of nod my head in agreement with how you described your own poem.

[Harry Nicolas]

Hey Yves, I am glad I was able to get the message across. I was trying to clarify some things to Hilary.

Thanks, Harry

[Yves S L]

Harry,

Sure, but if you just titled the poem "Neurodivergent" or something similar, then you might not have had to do so much explaining. Now, we will never know.

[Trevor Conway]

Hi Harry,

I agree with Yves's suggestion regarding the title, or at least some indication of neurodivergence from the get-go. Otherwise, it might just come across as eccentricity or experimentalism for no good reason, which was my first impression until reading your explanation.

The content of the poem is generally pretty interesting, I think, though I think you need a break/change in the tone/pace somewhere around the middle, at least briefly, in order to sustain the poem as a whole. I know you want to reflect the structure of a neurodivergent mind, but as a poem, I think it needs that.

Thanks for sharing.

Trev

[Harry Nicolas]

Thank you for the feedback Yves and Trevor.I don’t really understand what tone/pace means in the context of poetry, could you explain or maybe give an example?