[Alex Pepple]

The Baptism of Descent


As wavelets weave concavities
beyond his high sentinel perch
on eon-etched sandstone, gravity’s

design takes wing within his church
that exalts such fervor for motion.
the horizon witnesses the lurch

for union with the hymn of ocean—
the body’s faithful hold on true
ground yields, transmuted to the notion

of meteor hurtling to a blue
embrace, with welcome ever gained
to one baptized by brine anew,

with surge of froth and blood attained,
as clear zeal blooms in light ordained.

---
S2L3 was "With horizon as witness to the lurch"
S3L1 em dash was comma
S3L2 was "the faithful body’s orbit round the true"
S3L3 comma was em dash

[Max Goodman]

The "meteor hurtling to a blue/embrace" gives me a sudden strong picture.

Elsewhere, the beautiful language is often too abstract to show an image: "gravity’s/design takes wing," "horizon as witness," "welcome ever gained."

The "wavelets weav[ing] concavities" I eventually saw, but not on first read. The perch made me see him perch, which worked against my seeing that it was his body with which the wavelets weaved them. (At least I think that's what's meant.)

The perch seems out of place, since (unless I'm misunderstanding) it doesn't play a role in this event. Ditto the horizon.

FWIW.

added:
Glenn's third reading, the bird, is what I've imagined here.

[Glenn Wright]

Hi, Alex—

I like the terza rima structure, but felt that the meter was wobbly in spots. I assume the poem is in tetrameter, but several lines promote the middle of three unstressed syllables to achieve this (“to”in S2L3, “with” in S3L1, “to” in S3L3)
I scanned S1L2 as trimeter:
be YOND /his high SEN / ti nel PERCH (iamb, anapest, anapest)
I scanned S2L2 as trimeter, too:
that ex ALTS / such FER / vor for MO / tion (anapest, iamb, anapest, extrametrical syll)

I thought “lurch” in S2L3 felt a bit rhyme-driven.

I struggled to come up with a satisfactory reading of the piece and came up with three possible interpretations (all of which, I readily confess, might be hilariously off-kilter).

First, I took the reference to the meteor literally and read it as a description of an extinction-causing impact with a meteor, like the one that got the dinosaurs. This had the virtue of relating (albeit remotely) to the baptism reference with death and rebirth.

Second, I took the “high sentinel” to be a suicide who plunges into the ocean from a cliff. This makes the baptism/church imagery harder to account for, but makes the “surge of froth and blood” more understandable.

Third, I took the reference”high sentinel” to be a fish-eating bird like an ern or gannet. The bird plunges into the ocean and emerges with a bleeding fish. The white bird’s submersion and re-emergence suggests baptism.

I hope some of this is helpful.

Glenn

[N. Matheson]

I saw a lot of strong imagery here. But I am a bit stuck on what form the metre takes here. I tried to read it as iambic but I couldn't quite make it work.

[Yves S L]

Hello Alex,

Are you describing a suicide by falling in a high register filled with "religious" overtones? Your writing uses layers and layers of elaboration (embedded metaphors, some kind of religious/philosophy conceptual overlay, and so on), but what is the concrete kernel around which the elaboration is based? As a human being, before you layer all these metaphors, what are you actually observing that gives rises to these conceptual layers of abstract thought?

Also, what are you trying to say? There is something about the celebration of creation, something violent and tragic, something, something, something, something.

Forget the decoration for a bit (it is not sandstone but "eon-etched sandstone", it is not ocean but "hymn of ocean", it is not falling but "gravity's design takes wing"). I struggle with the basic questions of who, what, why, where, when, and how.

Rhyming in a high register is easier when you constantly use abstractions to compress the lines, but do you want the reader to be able to uncompress the lines, or are you just happy writing grand sounding organ music?

Additional Comment: Actually I think the poem is waxing lyrical about a bird catching a fish, sort of Ted Hughes meets Wallace Stevens but more abstract with more overt some type of Christian religious overlay.

[Jayne Osborn]

Oh, heck, Alex - I've been holding back from saying this, but I can hold back no longer...

The more I read this, the more I think it looks like a poem created by ChatGPT. I apologise for being so frank, but the language is so overblown that it shrouds what it is I think you're trying to say!

Jayne

[Alex Pepple]

Thank you all for the comments.

Max, of the varied subjects, forms, and styles I tend to work in—often beyond the typical—this poem is actually one of the more straightforward in its framework and narrative arc. Like several other poets, I’m not partial to explicating my poems, but if I were to do so as succinctly, then this is a kind of ode to the high cliff diving, that deploys an extended metaphor, which is hopefully not that difficult to deduce. It’s as much an interpretation of the significance and transcendental transformation inherent in event itself as of the performance thereof. As to the suitability of the imagery and metaphors, let’s just take one of the one in your interrogation, “perch” is an apt description for a body, big or small situated on a rock promontory—a bird-like perch, as it might present to observers usually at a lower altitude—and I find the personalization of the horizon that will be all-encompassing in that scenario not unusual. I hope that’s at least some answer to your well-thought critique, which I’m grateful for.

Glenn, thank you for your critique, which actually cracked me up in places for the comedic elements, which I never thought where there, and which you somehow managed to discover in your reading! On your metrical critique, I’d say that when I deploy a poem in tetrameter or less lines, coupled with a challenging rhyming such as that of a terza rima, I usually choose to compromise by loosening up the meter in order to achieve, natural diction and avoid rhyme-driven constructs. Having said that, though, that’s not really the case with this poem: it’s at just about only one metrical substitution (trochee, spondee, anapest) for very few of its lines. What’s more, the substitutions are mostly only in the opening stanza, essentially mirroring the initial takeoff inertia of the event represented. In the second stanza, there’s only one line with such a substitution, and that line (S2L3) is actually the worst of them... OK, maybe, also S3L2, a pentameter line. And after S2 all the way to the end, the poem is metrically pretty much smooth—again, in a sense mirroring the smooth gain of momentum for the event. So, all in all, the only line I believe needs tweaking is S2L3. As for the meaning and significance in your critique, I’d say take a look at my response to Max above.

N. Matheson, I appreciate you’re weighing in on the meter. In reply, see my response to Glenn on the matter… but I’ll review the overall meter carefully once more for any potential tweaks I might have missed.

Yves, thank you for your keen observations and comments on the poem. Per my response to Max, more so than a typical practitioner, even for metrical/formal poetry, I do write poems on variegated forms, or no form, on wide-ranging subject matter… and where the meaning might line up in a straightforward manner like beads on a string, or be dispersed about a tapestry the significance. So, yes, while I write the “who, what, why, where, when, and how” poems you’re looking for, this might not be one of them. As I also tried explaining in my response to Max, the poem might be more about what’s intrinsic in the act being performed than who or what is performing it… and the understanding/significance/transcendence the acts or elements of described is what the poem is attempting to illuminate, using metaphors and extended metaphors, such as baptism, etc. I’ll give you the point that the qualifiers could be reduced, especially in the first stanza, but after that, metaphors and extended metaphors that come up are attempts to probe and elucidate one or more aspects of the transformational nature of what’s being versified. And again, thank you for your opinion and questions which are food for thought indeed.

Jayne, I hear you. When language feels too elevated it can look artificial—even when the poem exhibits natural language, non-stilted throughout; even when there’s no signs of it being rhyme-driven; even when with well-thought out enjambments to mirror the action, such as “gravity’s” that drops onto the next stanza; even when an extended metaphor is smoothly sustained from the beginning to the end of the poem—all of these I wasn’t aware as being part and parcel of the intelligent wonders performed by your ChatGPT known for its stilted poems, it’s rhyme-driven formal poems, its often incoherence, etc. etc. Still, I’ll revisit the diction for a better balance meaning and method.

The very best,
…Alex

[Glenn Wright]

Hi Alex—

So it’s about cliff diving, like in Acapulco?
The first 12 lines lead the reader to this conclusion, but what are we to make of the “surge of froth and blood” in S5L1? Did he hit a rock? I’m picturing a very gory, tragic ending.

Glenn

[Alex Pepple]

Good question, Glenn. And ask yourself, though, if blood only surges from cuts.

[Yves S L]

Alex,

Realistically, how many puzzles do you expect the typical reader to solve? How many red herrings can one put in a mystery novel before the reader fatigues and loses interest in the plot?