[John Riley]

The Flying Man Trapped in the Mobile Siege Tower

The Flying Man lives in a wooden cage built on top of a mobile siege tower, and is rolled from battle to battle. His job is to watch the suffering inside the walls of surrounded towns and report on the misery's progress to the king's men that gather each night around the siege tower's staked wheels. The king thinks the trapped Flying Man brings his army good fortune and seldom does a day go by that he does not stop his horse and offer the Flying Man his best wishes.

In the midst of a siege, when attacks are mounted during the day, the Flying Man lies coiled inches above the cage floor. At night, he listens to the men around the campfires sing songs of home, lonely songs that make the Flying Man happy he has his own place.

When the burning arrows that sing overhead bury themselves in the cage walls he quenches the flames with buckets of water lifted with strong ropes through a small hole in the cage floor. At night he eats freshly killed meat scorched over camp fires. The soldier who fills his supper basket, a boy too young to shave, includes a slice of hard bread with his meal and sometimes a flask of sharp wine.

The end of a siege is always the same. The villagers behind the surrounded walls begin to keen and to sob and a few days later he hears the gravediggers' shovels scrape earth and rock hour after hour. After the sieged walls come down, or the village's gates are forced open and the massacre has ended, the army and the siege tower moves on. The Flying Man loves these days of travel, when he can squint between the cage walls and watch swallows and crows and sometimes an eagle float and dip over the treetops while the men and horses steady the tower as it rolls along the dusty roads.

There is always a new battle waiting and new innocents to die but the Flying Man's heart is never divided. Once he flew wherever he wanted but now the Flying Man knows freedom is living in his cage atop the mobile siege tower. He loves his captors, the king and his soldiers that make sure he is fed and offer him gratitude for the good luck he brings. The Flying Man has long forgotten the days he lived outside his cage. Today he lives only for the sweet smell of burning flesh, the exquisite snick of a slicing blade, the taste of boiling siege oil that clings to his tongue.

[Richard G]

Hi John,
there's something about this that really grips (is the flying man an angel, or actually a man at all and not some animal.) It made me think about all those creatures down the years accused of spying or witchcraft and tried and punished, but left me wondering about child soldiers at the end.)

The Flying Man Trapped in the Mobile Siege Tower
Don't think this title works (as he isn't trapped 'in' as the opening makes clear.)

The Flying Man lives in a wooden cage built on top of a mobile siege tower, and is rolled from battle to battle. His job is to watch the suffering inside the walls of surrounded towns and report on the misery's progress to the king's men that gather each night around the siege tower's staked wheels. The king thinks the trapped Flying Man brings his army good fortune and seldom does a day go by that he does not stop his horse and offer the Flying Man his best wishes.
............ Two variations on the same question, how does he do this? If the men are at the base of the tower, and the whole body of the tower is between them and the Man, how does he report. Likewise, does the king climb the siege engine, call up, what?

In the midst of a siege, when attacks are mounted during the day, the Flying Man lies coiled inches above the cage floor. At night, he listens to the men around the campfires sing songs of home, lonely songs that make the Flying Man happy he has his own place.
........... I wonder if you can cut this entirely. 'Lying coiled' seems to contradict 'watch the suffering' and the mystery of why singing would make the flying man happy (or that he thinks of the cage as his own) remains.

When the burning arrows that sing overhead bury themselves in the cage walls he quenches the flames with buckets of water lifted with strong ropes through a small hole in the cage floor.
.......... So, not coiled then?
At night he eats freshly killed meat scorched over camp fires. The soldier who fills his supper basket, a boy too young to shave, includes a slice of hard bread with his meal and sometimes a flask of sharp wine.
........ I like the details, but I don't know what they tell me. (Would the meat really be fresh?)

The end of a siege is always the same. The villagers behind the surrounded walls begin to keen and to sob and a few days later he hears the gravediggers' shovels scrape earth and rock hour after hour.
....... Nothing wrong here, necessarily, but you do say his job is to 'watch'. Oh, and villagers live in villages, townspeople/folk live in towns. No-one would lay siege to a village.
After the sieged walls come down, or the village's gates are forced open and the massacre has ended, the army and the siege tower moves on.
...... technically the walls don't 'come down' but they are breached.
The Flying Man loves these days of travel, when he can squint between the cage walls and watch swallows and crows and sometimes an eagle float and dip over the treetops while the men and horses steady the tower as it rolls along the dusty roads.
....... Why does he need to 'squint'? Surely the openings would be sufficient given 'his job is to watch ...'
There is always a new battle waiting and new innocents to die but the Flying Man's heart is never divided.
........ Isn't 'innocents' a bit loaded here?
Once he flew wherever he wanted but now the Flying Man knows freedom is living in his cage atop the mobile siege tower. He loves his captors, the king and his soldiers that make sure he is fed and offer him gratitude for the good luck he brings.
........ This is the second time you mention 'good luck' and I think I'd like to know why this belief persists.

The Flying Man has long forgotten the days he lived outside his cage. Today he lives only for the sweet smell of burning flesh, the exquisite snick of a slicing blade, the taste of boiling siege oil that clings to his tongue.
...... I can't make up my mind if I want to know more about the Flying Man or not.

RG

[Matt Q]

I think this is excellent John. It reads like a fable of sorts. I could try to read it for metaphor/message but it works very well for me just read straight.

The only points I have are very small ones. Other than, I'd say this is done.

the Flying Man lies coiled inches above the cage floor

Are the inches coiled, or the man? If the man, then a comma after "coiled".

After the sieged walls come down, or the village's gates are forced open and the massacre has ended

If a massacre takes place in either case, then you'd need a comma after "open". Currently it seems to say that the massacre occurs after the gates are opened, but not after the walls come down. I might then lose the comma after "down".

Finally, should "sieged" be "besieged"?

best,

Matt

[Roger Slater]

I concur with Matt. I also think it's excellent, for the same reason.

I'd only add that "the army and the siege tower moves on" should, unless I'm mistaken, be "... move on".

[Julie Steiner]

I've been circling this for days, trying to come up with something more intelligent to say than "I like this. A lot." But that's all I've got. The idea that this protagonist is actually pretty happy to settle for this puny little life is so understated, and effective.

The best I can do is to say that the title seems a little unnecessarily on-the-nose. But I also assume that that's intentional.

[John Riley]

Thanks to each for the help. I will use all the notes. I'm pleased it seems to work. I'm slowly gathering newer and older things into a manuscript so all help is valued.