[Glenn Wright]

Hi, Carl—

Thanks very much for the encouragement. I used Michelangelo’s Pietà to unify S1 around “purity,” “cool,” and “marble,” and to play off the reference to Medusa in the last line. Since the soul took its sins with it, the mortal remains are as pure as Christ’s “corpus.” I came up with some alternatives for S1L4-5:

1. The corpse, like marble, lingers, pale and cold, / a pietà for earth’s arms to enfold.

2. The corpse, a marble statue, pale and cold, / becomes a pietà for earth to enfold.

3. The sinless corpse, marmoreal and cold, / becomes a pietà for earth to hold.

I prefer the tender action of “enfold” to the static and uninteresting “hold.” I think, though, that the glottal stops in “earth’s arms” are a bit inelegant. I’m leaning toward #2. Your thoughts?

Glenn

[Jim Moonan]

.
The revision is excellent. Definitely a good move to pull away from the sonnet form. The first stanza is now beautifully wrought to be embodied in a sculpture. More than any other piece of artwork I glimpsed while in Italy, the Pietà most astounded me. In the poem, you are speaking of a pietà-likeimage of death in the arms of a mother. Exquisite.

The rationale you provide in your comments is enlightening in and of itself. It rivals the poem's enlightened interpretation of life and death, body and soul. Really, really good.

I have nothing more to say other than that I wince ever so slightly when I hear God being gendered. God is God. But old paradigms die hard. What's unimaginable must resign itself to the limits of the imagination, I guess.

.

[Glenn Wright]

Hi, Jim—

Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts. I’m glad you liked it.

Glenn

[Carl Copeland]

Originally Posted by Glenn Wright

Your thoughts?

Glenn, you’re reading your poem too slowly. The words can easily be run together without any glottal stops, so I wouldn’t worry about that. But now I’m starting to pick unpoetically at the logic of this: the corpse by itself can’t be a pietà, nor can the earth hold/enfold a pietà that includes the earth. How about:

The corpse, marmoreal, grows pale and cold, / a pietà in earth’s - - - hold.

or

The - - corpse, marmoreal and cold, / becomes a pietà in earth’s - hold.

As you can tell, I like the word “marmoreal,” though I’d rather do without “sinless.”

[Glenn Wright]

Hi, Carl—

I see your point with the pietà requiring both mother and son. I made a change to a fourth option that, I think, solves that issue. It also eliminates the fourth rhyme, so the rhyme scheme is now ABABCC CCBCCB. I like “marmoreal,” too. All those /m/‘s sound sleepy. But it has a rather Latinate, erudite flavor that might be a bit distracting. Let me know if you see any problems with it. Thanks again for your sensible and reliable help.

Glenn