Hi Matt,
read this a few times now, and it repays re-reading. I'm thinking that the emergence of the bruises suggests she was very recently dead when he found her, increasing the possibility that he actually killed her. Though I'm not sure he did. Blouse felt a little incompatible with his circumstances, unless she was there in some professional capacity, a health visitor of some sort? Don't know, but like the space to speculate.
Some nits: The 'grey mongrel bitch' line - seems one for the dog lovers/owners. Do you need it?
'the only roads he takes' - but then there are all the other ones (outside) in the woods, to the allotment, and the 'forked path' made the point already.
Home is how it always is. A forked path of carpet through an undergrowth of pizza boxes, unopened mail, empty bottles of cut-price coke. Left to kitchen, right to couch, the bedroom long since stolen by the woods.
Does 'cleaned-up face' mean to suggest that she cleaned up her face (removing traces of the assault), or that her face was as it was before the murder. (I couldn't tell.)
Do you need 'crashes in' (para4)? It might be better for the dream to be soundless to go with the 'stillness' of the 'almost Friday'.
I don't think you've nailed the ending yet (but I did like 'Bluebottles' - haven't thought about that term for the police in years) - the section between the doorbell and the door bursting in felt too long.
It's Sunday, and swarming with police ?
Regards,
RG
PS. Deserves a better title, I think.
|
Linear Mode
