[Cally Conan-Davies]

Willing


The struggle to keep death at a distance

or let its shadow (which is itself) deepen

till the whole heart is dark to the core

and ink-black waves pump through the mind


A sea bird brings the news

a missing boat

an empty man


We look for clues

in all things washed ashore

[Glenn Wright]

Hi, Cally—

I like the connection here between the sea and death, the bird serving as the herald of both.
I would have expected “a missing man” and “an empty boat.” The ironic transposition suggests that the “empty” man has either sought his own death or else ventured recklessly alone into the [wine?] dark sea. The use of the flotsam and jetsam for divination is a vivid touch. In all, you managed to put a lot into a very compact poem. Nice work.

Glenn

[W T Clark]

Good, very good, but... what would happen if you put the second stanza first, then had the (previous) first stanza, then the third?

Hope this helps.

[Roger Slater]

I think the last five lines alone would be a lovely poem. I can't say I dislike the opening strophe (it reads well), but it strikes me as relatively heavy-handed and abstract, and it relies quite heavily on the over-familiar trope of death being dark and black, etc. The last five lines, to me, seem relatively fresh and original, and would be a mini-poem almost like an Asian figure.

Either way, I can't really see how the title suits the poem.

[R. Nemo Hill]

The title plays double for me.
The first line posits the willing away of death, its banishment through will power.
Whereas the rest of S1 take willing in a different sense, to be willing, to surrender to death's darkness.

I love the title and the whole poem.

Nemo

[John Riley]

Another lovely poem, Cally. I can't help but think of the Buddha and the responsibility of learning the willingness to transition. Over the last years, we received updates on how Thay (Thich Nhat Hanh) was doing as he moved toward transition. I can only dream of facing my days as he did.

That's what I read here and the simplicity is perfect. I think Cam has an interesting suggestion. I'm not rejecting it. But as it is now I read the first stanza almost as a chorus in Aeschylus or Homer. The opening theme is announced and then the action occurs. Thinking this way does cause me to want more while also seeing this is as it is and that is good. I hope this makes sense.

I love this.