[Susan McLean]

Solo

.....O mono-Moon,
who throws cold frowns on fools who woo,
.....O mono-Moon,
no cotton wool nor soft cocoon,
who holds no roof or room for two—
who knows how soon now don't won't do,
.....O mono-Moon?


Note: The form is a rondelet.

[Glenn Wright]

Hi, Susan—

Clever study of the moon-shaped letter “O.”
You incorporate pretty much every sound that it is possible for “O” to make.

Glenn

[Susan McLean]

Glenn, I thought I could count on other poets to notice what I was doing with the vowels in this poem. I'm glad to learn I was right. Now I have to see if they can make anything of what the poem is saying.

Susan

[Julie Steiner]

I can't crack the riddle, Susan. Lovely use of O's though.

[Susan McLean]

Julie, I was playing with the classical myth that sees the moon as female and a virgin. It is rare (I believe) for a planet to have just one moon. For now, no one has stayed on the moon for long, but I think it may be only a matter of time until someone puts a colony there. And then she will be alone no more.

Susan

[Martin Rocek]

Susan,
Very nice sound painting.

As far as a colony goes, count me among the skeptics. One factor that doesn't get discussed very much is that once you get far from the protection of the earth's magnetic field, the radiation is pretty fierce:
https://www.space.com/moon-radiation...nauts-measured
https://www.space.com/21353-space-ra...on-threat.html
Long term colonization is not practical.

[Julie Steiner]

Thanks, Susan. I could not have made that leap without the explanation, so you'll probably want to include something similar in the author bio-blurb when you submit it.

The grammar is troublesome, too. If the moon is being directly addressed, the verbs after "who" should be in the second person rather than the third.

Since the "[you] who + second person verb" construction throws so many people off — I've even heard priests "correct" this during Mass — you might consider changing "who" to "you":


     O mono-Moon,
you throw cold frowns on fools who woo,

etc. But then your string of commas doesn't quite work.

[Susan McLean]

Martin, I am not in favor of colonizing the moon. I see the possibility as something negative, one of those examples of conquests that are likely to turn ugly.

Julie, I don't really expect readers to tease out all of the allusions to myth and to space exploration. The two references pull in different directions. If all readers can get out of the poem is the sound-play, that's okay. They can read into it whatever they like. When I address the moon with an "O," I don't expect the moon to respond. So the "who" clauses are there to provide extra description to the moon I am apostrophizing. I am deliberately avoiding using "you" because the entire poem contains only one vowel and I would like to keep it that way.

Susan

[Marshall Begel]

Great angle! Would you consider an epigraph headline about the moon's temporary partner?
Otherwise, "throws cold frowns" isn't in my bucket. "throws cold looks" comes easier (and fits your rule).

[David Callin]

I think this is lovely, Susan. Suitably scored, it would make a terrific show tune (a soulful ballad, of course).

Cheers

David