[Joe Crocker]

rev 2

M40, Stokenchurch

https://www.geograph.org.uk/photo/4373268

https://www.wychwoodart.com/art/chilterns-near-tring-2



A chalk wave rolls above the Oxford plain.
Its swell and cleave, the way it holds its heart,
is womanly. You’d press your hand against
her spine. Or let it slap upon her arse.

Absurdly carnal, how a simple line
insinuates and curls around her shape.
And how her shape disturbs in you a kind
of fantasy, the urge to mould or make.

The urge informs the knife that made this cut
and drew it brazen, sharp across her side.
Your self-belief astonishes. Her trust.
Call it courage, arrogance or pride.



Rev 1

A chalk wave rolls above the Oxford plain.
Its swell and cleave, the way it holds its heart,
is womanly. You press your hand against
her spine. Or let it slap upon her arse.

But who would take a knife to make this cut,
to draw it brazen, sharp across her side?
Whose self-belief astonishes, whose trust?
Call it courage, arrogance or pride.







M40, Stokenchurch

A chalk wave rolls above the Oxford plain.
Its swell and cleave, the way it holds its heart,
is womanly. You press your hand against
her spine. Or let it slap upon her arse.

Who would take a knife to make that cut
and carve it brazen, sharp and circumscribed?
Whose self-belief astonishes, whose trust?
Call it courage, arrogance or pride.

[Glenn Wright]

Hi, Joe—

I don’t live in the UK, so my grasp of English geography is a bit muddled. At first I thought you might be referring to the chalk horses carved into the hillsides in Wiltshire, but after a bit of research, I found the place where M40 is actually cut into the chalk hills as if by the hand of God.

I wonder if “circumscribed” is exactly the word you want. How about “deep incised?” I guess it depends on whether you want to emphasize the tightness and restriction of the chalk walls or the depth and precision of the cut.

Glenn

[Susan McLean]

Joe, I could follow what you were describing. I assume that in S1L4 you meant the arse-slap to sound affectionate. But as a woman, I can't help but see it otherwise, having experienced it in public places from total strangers. If you want a strong contrast to the arrogance of cutting into the chalk, I think you need another image.

Susan

[Paula Fernandez]

Joe--
Like Glenn, I'm not from the UK, so I didn't know exactly what this was referencing (till I looked it up), but I did perceive that this was some natural wonder that had been defaced in some way. I think though, with Susan, that the narrator's suggestion that a womanly form invites the transgressive touch of hands just lands with a thud (both the slap and the press really made me flinch). I'm thinking that's not what you intended at all?

[Joe Crocker]

Thanks all for googling the Stokenchurch gap. I think it is not an especially well known name in the UK but I used to live near it, and it did feature in the opening credits of “The Vicar of Dibley”, a hugely popular UK Sit Com.

Thanks Glenn for being quick on the draw. I did have have several variants before I settled on “circumscribe” and your suggestion of “deep incised” would work. I liked circumscribed because of the “scribed” referencing penmanship and “inscribed”. And “circum” implying a curved shape and "circumscribed" meaning within tightly defined limits. But yes, I am aware that "circumscribed" usually just means restricted.

Susan, Paula. I was afraid that the arse slapping would be likely to offend. It was definitely not intended as affectionate. It was meant to be lewd.

The Chilterns are a group of gently rounded chalk hills, which seem very female to me. The Stokenchurch gap which was cut into them is a bold engineering feat of the 1970s. In the poem, I’m trying to convey something of the male gaze and the temerity of the (I assume) male architects and builders. The cut is an audacious thing, which I am staggered by in positive and negative ways. I get the same feeling when I see the surgeon’s scalpel make that very first cut into living human flesh. It is both appalling and amazing.

So I did want the poem to capture some elements of pornography, violence and creation. I guess that is dangerous ground and may be too much for me to squeeze into 8 lines.

[RCL]

Joe,

I read this as mankind fucking nature, raping it and enjoying the act and destruction. I think you do squeeze in the pornography, violence and the act of creation. Language lends a hand: crease, cutting, mons, mountains, mounds and mountains like breasts, rounded hills like rumps. You seem to suggest at the end that it’s amazing that they who rape the earth have multiple reasons they may not even be aware of. Primal Fear of the feminine?

Fine work,

[Mary Boren]

Hi Joe,

In response to your statement:

So I did want the poem to capture some elements of pornography, violence and creation. I guess that is dangerous ground and may be too much for me to squeeze into 8 lines.

Or perhaps simply an obscure brevity with a limited target audience — nothing wrong with that. I'll confess that, as an outsider and gender-specific member of the human race, I was subliminally put off by the description, so on that level I'd say you've achieved your goal. No doubt locals could instantly relate, whether in solidarity with the male objectification of the visual cue or seething protest of the defilement of nature. It might grab wider appeal as an ekphrasis, but without a photo or author explanation, worldwide readers with interest piqued can only go a'googlin' to pick up on the imagery. Nothing wrong with that either, but once attention strays from any poem to the rabbit hole of a clicking adventure, it may or may not return.

I can see what you're up against. There's a stretch of highway near my home called The Devil's Backbone. Standing alone, that might conjure a mental connection to the horror movie of the same name, but those of us driving that winding road cut across Central Texas hilltops can easily associate it with an aerial view of the spine. "M40, Stokenchurch" doesn't offer even that much of a clue to anyone unfamiliar with UK villages or motorway naming convention, so you're starting from scratch in trying to evoke an emotion. "Stokenchurch Gap, UK" or "Aston Hill Cutting, Oxfordshire" could at least offer a heads-up to approach in terms of a geographic location if you so desire.

I hope you find my perspective useful.

Just one more thing, also not a nit but an observation ...

I liked circumscribed because of the “scribed” referencing penmanship and “inscribed”. And “circum” implying a curved shape and "circumscribed" meaning within tightly defined limits. But yes, I am aware that "circumscribed" usually just means restricted.

Here again, connotation may be subject to regional usage, but my reaction to the word is closer to its actual Latin roots of "write" and "round", leading me to look for something skirting a circle rather than cutting through the center. Comparing the first definition on the American Random House based dictionary.com (literally "to draw a line around; encircle:") to the Oxford source, oed.com, I can see why you would say it just means restricted, though.

[Matt Q]

Hi Joe,

Originally Posted by Joe Crocker

In the poem, I’m trying to convey something of the male gaze and the temerity of the (I assume) male architects and builders.

If this is your goal, I think a problem here is that the poem isn't really doing this, at least as I see it. In S1, the N offers his male gaze. In S2, he then wonders at those who would cut through those hills. The "male gaze" of these architects and builders is not presented in the poem: just that of the N.

Or alternatively, we see the N's projection of the male gaze onto the builders and architect. The N is saying: I see these hills as womanly/woman-like. Who would have the temerity to cut through these womanly hills? He assumes the builders/architects see the hills as he does.

So, for me, the poem doesn't work as a comment on "the male gaze and the temerity of the (I assume) male architects and builders", because I don't see it showing us this. Rather, it just shows us the male gaze of the N.

EDIT: I've just realised there's another way to read your comment. Maybe you mean: I’m trying to convey something of the male gaze -- and, separately, I'm trying to convey something of the temerity of the builders and architects?

best

Matt

[Joe Crocker]

Thanks Ralph for the sympathetic reading. Given that it had had quite a few views and not many comments I was going to let it sink. I quite understand why the crude language and images I used would offend but had hoped that the poem was a bit more subtle than that. As I said in my defence above, perhaps it is rather too condensed to bring out much nuance.

In relation to your comments. Yes, I did want to reference a male aggression over mother earth. But I wanted to express a level of ambivalence, not just Man=bad, Nature=good. The male gaze, it seems to me, is very crude -- a few simple curves can travel from the eyes in a fairly unfiltered way direct to the groin. The poem begins by admiring the shapeliness of the hills and moves on to more carnal thoughts. The “arse” and the “slap” are intended deliberately to ring alarm bells. They lead in to the second stanza where something more violent is happening. But again, I feel ambivalent about it. I don’t want to say simply that this is rape. Like the extraordinary bravery shown by surgeons, the cutting into the landscape by civil engineers, has purpose and even beauty. The clean bend of the M40 through the Chiltern hills is stunning. I feel the same way about many other “phallocentric” projects like skyscrapers, bridges and dams. Hence,in the final line, courage, arrogance and pride are all present.

But maybe I’m just digging myself into a deeper hole.

Thanks again

Joe

I will post a revision, in response to Glenn’s difficulty with “circumscribed* S2L2. Not yet sure which I prefer.

ps I wrote this before seeing Mary and Matt’s posts, which I will reply to later.

[Joe Crocker]

Hi Mary

Thanks for that. As the title suggests, it is essentially an ekphrastic piece. I will put a couple of links under the title. One of them is a photo of the Stokenchurch/Aston Rowant cut, and the other is a painting that sums up the look of the Chiltern hills. Aston Rowant is actually a nature reserve, though I’m not sure it was when the cut was being made. Oddly, this particular painting was not a prompt for the poem. I discovered it only this morning when looking for an image that matched what was in my head. (Is there a technical name for that?)

And perhaps I should find a better title though I did quite like that it was very specific and also obscure – the name of the feature is not well known I think, even in the UK.

I have also changed the line containing “circumscribed” (S2L2) which may improve it for you.

Thanks again.

Joe