|
Notices |
It's been a while, Unregistered -- Welcome back to Eratosphere! |
|
|
09-16-2024, 12:20 PM
|
Member
|
|
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Iowa City, IA, USA
Posts: 10,255
|
|
In Short
Shortlisted
I like short men. They don't gaze from on high
at you, as if you're far beneath their ken.
Equality is easier eye to eye.
.....I like short men.
Knowing how hawks will scrutinize a wren,
they hone their wits and humor (often wry),
and don't seek out a fight. Now and again,
I've met a few who tried to magnify
themselves by cutting others down. But then,
most have learned empathy, which may be why
.....I like short men.
Revisions:
S1L3 was "Equality's easier when eye to eye."
S2L1 was "They too know how hawks scrutinize a wren."
S2L2 "they" was "They"
Last edited by Susan McLean; 09-19-2024 at 10:24 PM.
|
09-17-2024, 01:33 AM
|
Member
|
|
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: San Diego, CA, USA
Posts: 8,529
|
|
Hi, Susan!
I like the theme, as my 5'11" younger daughter seems to have landed herself a 5'4" keeper.
I have trouble turning the clichés "beyond their ken" and "beneath their notice" into "beneath their ken." I see the haughtiness and dismissal, but can't quite parse the exact literal meaning.
I also struggle with "They too know how hawks scrutinize a wren." I think "wren" has such strong feminine associations that for me there is an implied sexual predation in the metaphor that doesn't mesh tidily with the notion of short men's having experienced the same kind of gaze that short women might experience from tall(er) men. Although women and gay men can certainly be hawklike and predatory, too, I assume that on the receiving end of such attentions, the horror is somewhat different for people who can't get pregnant.
Since the ending returns (in a more telly way) to the topic of empathy, perhaps the hawk/wren illustration of empathy here can be replaced with something more related to the wittiness mentioned in the next line, like
As chiltepin outspices long cayenne,
|
09-17-2024, 09:16 AM
|
Member
|
|
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Iowa City, IA, USA
Posts: 10,255
|
|
Hi, Julie,
Thanks for responding. I was limited by the range of rhymes for "men," or I might not have used "ken." But I use it to mean "knowledge or awareness." I thought it was preferable to avoid the more clichéd phrasing of "beyond their ken" while emphasizing the height disparity. The hawk/wren allusion was meant to suggest that short men have often experienced bullying when young, not specifically sexual predation. Something about shortness just signals "potential victim" to some people. With intelligence or humor, they often learn to talk their way out of danger. If they can't avoid being bullied, it often gives them some sympathy and understanding of what it is like to be bullied.
I was uncomfortable with the meter of S1L3, so I have rewritten it.
Susan
|
09-17-2024, 10:19 AM
|
Member
|
|
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: New York
Posts: 16,630
|
|
I'm not that sure about the theme myself. If this were a funny poem, I could go with the concept, but a serious(ly unneeded) defense of short men somehow rubs the wrong way, in my opinion, with its implicit suggestion that short men need defending, and its further suggestion that short men generally share the listed virtues that are perhaps less common in men of taller stature. Ultimately, I suppose, the poem is a criticism of all men except the short ones, suggesting that taller men lack wit and humor, look for fights, cut others down, and lack empathy. The premise is ridiculous as a factual matter (i.e., not even slightly accurate or insightful), and at least mildly offensive. Stereotyping is stereotyping, whether it's by race and gender (which we all know is wrong) or some other physical characteristic that has nothing to do with character or personality.
This made me think of Randy Newman's " Short People" song, which is rather brilliant in my opinion (I'm six feet tall) but I've heard at least some short people are not as amused. It's successful, though, because it's so obviously meant as a humorous way of making fun of prejudice, not participating in prejudice. Your poem though, seems to be expressing sincere views without irony.
I agree with Julie about "ken" and "wren," both of which struck me as forced for the rhyme. But on the whole, the poem is well made even if I'm finding what it says to be offputting.
|
09-17-2024, 11:17 AM
|
Member
|
|
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Iowa City, IA, USA
Posts: 10,255
|
|
But, Roger, the poem doesn't make a general statement such as "Short men are nice." It makes a statement about a personal preference of the speaker, which tells you as much about the speaker as it does about men. And I did mean it to be rather funny, in that making such a statement is not something that one usually does, and the unexpected can come across as funny. There are reasons that the "gentle giant" is seen as unusual and that men with a "Napoleon complex" are, too. Our society is full of unspoken assumptions about height and its connection to personality. Why not examine those expectations to see why they arise?
Susan
|
09-19-2024, 08:03 AM
|
Member
|
|
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 4,414
|
|
.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Susan McLean
But, Roger, the poem doesn't make a general statement such as "Short men are nice." It makes a statement about a personal preference of the speaker, which tells you as much about the speaker as it does about men. And I did mean it to be rather funny, in that making such a statement is not something that one usually does, and the unexpected can come across as funny. There are reasons that the "gentle giant" is seen as unusual and that men with a "Napoleon complex" are, too. Our society is full of unspoken assumptions about height and its connection to personality. Why not examine those expectations to see why they arise?
|
I was all set to lambast this poem until I read your considered response to RogerRobert ( ) But now I could not agree more with your basic premise that "Our society is full of unspoken assumptions about height and its connection to personality." Now I'm thinking that this theme would make for a nice suite of poems.
I remember when Randy Newman's "Short People" song caused a furor. Your poem takes a decidedly different tact.
The song that always amazed me in that it never received the pushback/criticism it deserved was this one. And here are the lyrics. Misogyny dies hard.
But I like your poem. I didn't at first, but I do now. I admire your boldness. It is a signature of your poetry. I’ve never read a poem of yours posted here where you haven’t been able to impressively defend it.
.
Last edited by Jim Moonan; 09-19-2024 at 01:37 PM.
|
09-19-2024, 01:16 PM
|
New Member
|
|
Join Date: Jul 2023
Location: Madison, Wisconsin
Posts: 27
|
|
Hi, Susan. Great title and very cute! I didn't get a judgement vibe.
I can't scan S1L3 unless 'easier' has 2 syllables.
"They know how hawks will..." is smoother to my ear.
And I think another ".....I like short men." after S2 fits fine.
As always, consider or ignore as you see fit!
|
09-19-2024, 01:29 PM
|
|
Moderator
|
|
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: NY, USA
Posts: 4,607
|
|
Hi Susan,
I am afraid that this one doesn't do much for me; aside from the hawk and wren, which seem to be forced in, the rest of the poem is pretty prosey. I agree with Roger(Bob): it could use more humor, or more anger, more to engage me.
BTW, excuse my ignorance, but what is the form? Is it standard or did you make it up?
Best wishes,
Martin
|
09-19-2024, 11:32 PM
|
Member
|
|
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Iowa City, IA, USA
Posts: 10,255
|
|
Jim, this poem was meant as a sort of tribute to the short men in my life--teachers, friends, and the short man I have been with for the past 57 years. For what it's worth, I always thought Randy Newman's "Short People" was hilarious. I'm glad to hear that you did not think I was discriminating against tall men, at least once you read my comments. I'd love to read more poems that take a hard look at the heightism in our society.
Marshall, I intended people to read an anapest in S1L3, not assume that "easier" had two syllables. Thanks for the suggestion about the meter in S2L1. I see what you mean. I have tried rewriting the line to make the meter clearer. I am writing a roundel here, which is a fixed form, so I don't want to add "I like short men" to S2.
Martin, the form is a roundel, invented by Swinburne. I have written a number of them. I don't expect my argument to go over well with everyone. The poem is more in the argument line than in the image-and-metaphor line.
Susan
|
09-20-2024, 11:22 AM
|
New Member
|
|
Join Date: Jul 2023
Location: Madison, Wisconsin
Posts: 27
|
|
Yeah—roundel. I learned something! Thanks for your patience.
|
|
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Member Login
Forum Statistics:
Forum Members: 8,457
Total Threads: 22,292
Total Posts: 275,478
There are 857 users
currently browsing forums.
Forum Sponsor:
|
|
|
|
|
|