[David Elliot Eisenstat]

Definitely an odd place for a 9/11 memorial.

I appreciate the logical structure of this one, tidily organized into stanzas, with the contrast between S1 and S2 adding extra interest to the octave. I also like the contrast between the metaphorical lack and literal presence of transparency, the way "cockeyed" both literally describes the angle of the beam as well as the fact that it's pupil-like in a way. "Crucified" evokes multiple cross-shaped 9/11 memorials in these parts.

L5 aside, I would pick on two of the rhymes, which are clear enough but leave me with the taste of formal constraint: "machine", which wouldn't be one of my top choices in prose; and "peer", because the speaker's problem seems to be locating the signage in the first place, which requires a broad field of vision rather than the narrow one of "peer". I don't hate the rime riche of peer/disappear because it's not adjacent (and maybe because I too have availed myself of this liberty, if it is that). Anyway, sorry to pick; I know how trying it can be to stack up four end rhymes, and I've complained about both sets.

[Julie Steiner]

Thanks, David. I think I've tweaked what comes after "peer" to resolve your quibble with it.

I'm stubbornly fond of "machine," although I might be the only person hearing a slight suggestion of "time machine" in referring to the train that way.

[David Callin]

I like this too, Julie, although "decrescendo" (which I assume is one of the metrical glitches you refer to above) sits a little unhappily in that line. (I like the fact that it's Italian, though.)

Is the "transparency" joke a bit laboured? It does take up two precious lines.

But overall, as I say, I like it. I wondered why they chose Padua for this, but the link was helpful in that respect.

Cheers

David

[Julie Steiner]

Thanks, David. Another tweak to Q2 is posted above. I think "decrescendo" has to go, alas.