[Jim Moonan]

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Originally Posted by Yves S L

Carl,
I cannot get away with the construction of L3? What the heck am I hearing then?

It may need punctuation:

Seismologists record I’m off the Richter.
So why, if you’re the rock and I’m your quake,
Are all your pointless streets still standing tall?


(I won't comment on my preference for capitalization to be limited to proper nouns and beginning sentences.)

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[Yves S L]

Jim, sorry, sorry, sorry, the original line 3 was

Seismologists record I’m off the Richter.
So why, if you’re the rock and I’m your quake
That all your pointless streets are standing tall?

[Yves S L]

So this is similar to the definition of "streets" that I was working under in L3: https://globaldesigningcities.org/pu...t-is-a-street/ It took me sometime to understand what the crits were saying, because I did not previously imagine that in the context I used the word folk would be be only thinking of flat surfaces. For me the concept of "streets" is more an active multifactorial living concept.

If I wanted to revise the poem to fit more people's minds, then the revision would have to hinge upon that. It's debatable if that's what I want to do, because the alliteration is banging!

[Yves S L]

Hello all,

So I wrote a revision, then I just riffed off my own self-created formula to create a variation. Any comments?

[Roger Slater]

It should be "for you and me", not "for you and I".

[Yves S L]

Roger, thank you for the correction.

[Carl Copeland]

Variation I 1.00 + Version 1.20 + Variation II 1.00 = longer poem

Typo: destinies.

[Yves S L]

Carl, it didn't look right, but for some reason spell check was not flagging it.

Huh! I was thinking of a three-part themes and variations suite. But, huh! Is rhyming easy for people? I barely made it alive out of the sestet of my Cupid sonnet, and it was only because of a sequence of near miracles that I am here today to post on Eratosphere.

I have immense respect for the likes of Keats, and Frost, Wilbur, Auden, and Stevens who just kept on finding the lines and the rhymes! Huh!

Yeah!