[Ann Drysdale]

Lagomorphs too, Julie.

The Defeated Hare Questions the Value of Retromingency.


Trick question: what can the hare do that the tortoise can’t?
Smart answer: urinate backwards.


It blinks as it slinks bandy-leggedly into the spotlight
To the roar of the crowd and the laurels and the champagne
And yes, you can guess at the cause of the celebration:
Hey, no shit, Sherlock – the tortoise has done it again.

I am flat on my face on the ferny floor of the forest.
I’ve been snivelling, dribbling and muttering into the moss
And wiping my eyes with my ears (and it can’t do that, either)
And telling myself that I don’t give a twopenny toss.

I ought to be used to it, given how often it happens;
It’s the way of the world and I don’t have the right to complain
But it hurts and I’m sad and I wish it were me on the rostrum.
I’m alone in the dark and the tortoise has done it again.

Omniscient Pan, who distributed gifts to your minions,
Why on earth did you give me a retrodirectional cunt,
For what is the point of the power of pissing behind me
When the tortoise is always, always, always in front?
.