[RCL]

Anti-Valentine Cards

My all too picky bride
My love won’t be denied.
Myself that you hold dear
I worship in my mirror.

You once called me a mannequin
As if my poses were a sin.
I think you are an elite snob
Since daily posing is my job!

You are a witch, it’s true,
Who boils me in your brew.
I’ve one last word for you
I’m perhaps, maybe, leaving you.

Don’t worry, dear, what’s up above:
I suffer unrequitable self-love.

[John Isbell]

Valentine’s Day Poem

Strophe

I ask myself: would you incline
to be my willing Valentine?
Perhaps I should be asking you,
it seems the proper thing to do.
But you’re already spoken for!
Life’s played this trick on folks galore.

Antistrophe

I may be spoken for, but this
goes for you too! Since wedded bliss
unites us each day of the year,
I’d have to say the way is clear
for you to give that card to me.
And on it, put your minstrelsy.

13.ii.2018

[Adrian Fry]

I wanted to be wholly loved
By you and you alone
And now I am, I wholly want
Just to be let alone.

[Roger Slater]

First turn water
into wine
and then improve
a Shakespeare line
and make the sun
at midnight shine
and bring me back
a kosher swine,
and I shall be
your valentine.
(Otherwise
I will decline).

[RCL]

Nice ones so far!


Cupid’s strikes are random treasure,
lasting gifts of painful pleasure.

[Patrick Murtha]

A Valentine Wish

Let not your whippersnapper's dart
Sting me in yonder hinder part,
And yet, if you should prick but me,
I pray the gal I see is she
Whom through the barnyard I have spied,
Whose hair is brown like Bessie's hide,
And like the pond, her eyes are blue,
Whose lips are red and moist like dew,
Who tosses bales outta the barn,
Who spins a tale as well as yarn,
Out-burps the boys, but blushes too,
Who belted me a time or two,
And yet her hands are soft as down,
And skin is slightly sun-baked brown--
For her I'll happ'ly bear the dart
Perchance you poke my hinder part.

[RCL]

Adios, St. V!

Talkin’ ‘Bout My Gal

Of classic beauty there’s no trace
when I behold her wretched face.
Below her brow one eyebrow bristles,
her eyes are rheumy, teeth like thistles.
Her ski-slope nose is always twitching,
and runs a little when she’s bitching.
Her chin and face don’t seem akin,
so far from matching it’s a sin.
And tangled hair, to top it all,
looks like a muddy waterfall.
But I forgive her ticks and fleas
when my pup‘s panting at my knees.

[Matt Q]

I like to watch you sleep and know you’re mine,
and then throughout the day, make plans for you.
Imagine what we’ll do, my Valentine!
I like to watch you sleep and know you’re mine,
though you don’t have a clue: I leave no sign
of entry. But this card’s to say it’s true.
I like to watch you sleep and know you’re mine,
and then throughout the day, make plans for you.

[Matt Q]

Sweetheart, my love for you is measurable
in continents. Is taking things too far
a trait all lovers share? You fill me full!
Sweetheart, my love for you is measurable
in oceans, rivers, lakes, the moon’s pale pull,
the tides. Yet though you are my own Pole Star,
sweetheart, my love for you is measurable:
Incontinence is taking things too far.

[Kevin Greene]

My Dirty Valentine

Darling, O dearest, delight of my heart,
my apologies for this so tardy card,
but life is pressured whilst we are apart.
My roving eye competes against my bard
and mere utterance results, such as "More!
My God!" or "Fast! Yes!" O my dearest duck.
And what lyric could I sing from the floor?
And what rhyme might I find for a girl named Puck?