[Graham King]

As the Competition brief explains,
We must by this April’s fifth day
Enter, to bear rewards away -
No prize, then, for one who abstains
Or is late! Too, we must take pains
To use the rhyme-words rightly. May
We take some liberties, and play
On words in ways that their sense strains?
It seems so, if one’s license leaves
Their essence still no less (uns-
Poiled) - unlike some shill - his heaves
Will haul a word in twain! How sombre at h-
Is task he shirks; unluckier, uns-
Anctified, such laxity dooms verse to death.

[Martin Elster]

The Vampire

Surveying your terrain, its peaks and plains,
I’ve dreamed of what’s beneath it, night and day
thumping, throbbing, beavering away.
And now I’ve nipped you. Lapping up the stains
dappling your neck should ease the pains.
You’re still horripilating in dismay?
But why so shocked? When knockout nymphs display
their throats to me, when every sweat gland rains
ambrosia, it invariably leaves
them inextinguishable. Shun the sun’s
warm beams! Your pinions shimmering in sheaves
of astral light, revived by Luna’s breath,
you’ll join me as our hunger builds and runs
across the hills and dales of flesh and death.

[Peter Goulding]

Now Graham, that is clever.

Not quite sure if it'll be acceptable, but very clever nonetheless.

[Martin Elster]

Originally Posted by Peter Goulding

Now Graham, that is clever.

Not quite sure if it'll be acceptable, but very clever nonetheless.

That is, indeed, clever. I think several of Grahams creations have a good chance.

I just restored my vampire poem (in post #233) after tweaking it a lot today. Any thoughts?

[Royston Vasey]

Mind

I'm nascent, binary: existence plains
Before my formless state. My thought-filled day
Knows nothing of desires to do away
With what is logical. The type that stains
My copybook of reason with its pains
Is mired humanity. A substrate's May
Resides in ion flows where plasma plays
Almighty God, and data-streaming rains
Provide for certainty that never leaves.
I'm better in the cold, there are no suns
That tempt me with their promises of sheaves
From golden fields. I've neither drawn a breath
Nor seen in narrowband since that which runs
Walt Disney Subjunct-One proscribed my death.


.

[Martin Elster]

Royston,

Your mind has come up with something really great. A splendid SF piece. I enjoyed it.

Martin

PS - Are you an AI (artificial intelligence) yourself?

PPS - By the way, is that a proper usage of "plains"?

[Royston Vasey]

Hi Martin,


Cheers, I'm glad that you found reading my Mind an enjoyable experience.

Are you an AI (artificial intelligence) yourself?

Well, I'm pretty artificial, and the question of my being intelligent is open to debate.

By the way, is that a proper usage of "plains"?

I can see why you's ask that. What can I say other than it works for me, and I think it works in the poem's context? To assert that one thing becomes ordinary in the light of another seems a reasonable proposition. Perhaps others will chime in with their view on this.


Go well.

[Brian Allgar]

Royston, I have to admit that I'm a bit baffled by the phrase "existence plains before my formless state". You're presumably using "plains" as a verb, but ... err ... what does it mean?

[Graham King]

I often play at hoopla. Ins
And outs and roundabouts, I gad, ay!
Sometimes falling, skinning my knees raw, ay,
While scanning some far vista… Ins
And outs, certainties, doubts. My Pa (ins
And outs of explanations) tells me what I am, ay,
With one deft letter questioning my hoopla: “Y?”
But then relents; again I’m free to romp, hurra! Ins
And outs about the house; I climb, crawl eaves,
Get leaves and dirt inside my clothes: uns-
Peakable mess of dress! Pa reaches, heaves
Me down, his frown so sombre. At “H”
Now my speech sticks, leaving things further uns-
Aid; inside, “Hi, Help!” but, puffed out, I abide at “H…”


(I thought of titling it "Tomboy" - any thoughts? Improvements?
Anyway, it was fun to test the brief to destruction...)

[Douglas G. Brown]

Graham,
This little gem of brilliance truly "tests the brief to destruction" . I can't see how any more cutting or polishing can improve it.
I'd say that your title suggestion is a good one.