[Hilary Biehl]

Originally Posted by Richard G

I appreciate that, it's just that I'm rather at a loss to know what to do about it. How can one anticipate unwanted, or wanted, come to that, associations? And should one?

Well, of course one can't and shouldn't anticipate random associations people might have, but perhaps when it seems as if it might be referencing something well known ... In this case, the only time I have ever before encountered the word "owl-light" is in "Altarwise by Owl-Light," which is (I think?) a pretty famous poem. I actually thought (I understand now this is not the case) that Thomas had coined the term, so to me it was a bit like using the word "goldengrove" in a poem and expecting people not to think of "Margaret, are you grieving ...".

But I shouldn't have said anything. My apologies.

[Richard G]

Hi Hilary.

I actually thought (I understand now this is not the case) that Thomas had coined the term,
I did wonder if that might be toward the root of this.

But I shouldn't have said anything. My apologies.
Declined. Yours was a genuine reaction and useful to know. Besides, you introduced me to a poem I'd not come across before and I'm grateful. Now, should you see the phrase 'penny-eyed' in some future work of mine, well, you'll have no doubt whence it came.
(And if you ever manage to get past that word I'd be interested in your feedback on the rest of the piece.)

RG.

[Hilary Biehl]

Originally Posted by Richard G

(And if you ever manage to get past that word I'd be interested in your feedback on the rest of the piece.)
.

Thanks for bearing with me. I definitely owe you a critique after all that, so here goes.

I found it quite cryptic and horrifying on my first read, but did eventually work out that it's about pumpkin carving. I think Glenn used the word "medieval" but to me this feels much older, like it is hearkening back to ancient paganism, to the days of human sacrifice. In that context, the archaic inversions of some phrases, including the title, make sense and don't feel inappropriate to me although I am not sure they are necessary.

I do feel that there are some parts where maybe the horror-movie aspect could be dialed down a bit. I wonder if making the drama a bit more subtle might actually increase the sense of eeriness. I'm thinking of phrases like "spilt his blood" (do pumpkins have blood?), "murdered Jack" "scream a scream of flame" - they just seem a little over the top to me. I'd like something a little less overt, more atmospheric and implied, I guess.

Specific thoughts -

I love "The grey dawn talks of accidents"

"The neighbors made to watch" is a pretty disturbing line that I think is effective.

I am not sure what "Before the Knowing waned - / the Warning Songs were plucked and sung" means. It's interesting, and cryptic, and has a pagan-ish feel, and maybe doesn't need to be explained.

I like the final stanza very much.

Hope some of that is helpful.

[Richard G]

Hi Hilary.

although I am not sure they are necessary.
I liked their music.

thinking of phrases like "spilt his blood" (do pumpkins have blood?)
Used figuratively, and as a means of misdirecting the reader.
"murdered Jack"
any alternatives?
"scream a scream of flame" - they just seem a little over the top to me.
'a little over the top' felt appropriate for a Halloween poem.

and maybe doesn't need to be explained.
Oh, alright then. But if you change your mind.

Hope some of that is helpful.
Always pleased to have food for thought. Thank you.

RG.