[Chris O'Carroll]

No 4249
Set by Harvey Cole
The “naked rambler” has been arrested and jailed many times. How would the following people explain to him why he must be clothed: an anthropologist, a small child, a philosopher, a psychiatrist, a policeman, a neighbour, a sex or social worker or a clergyman?
Max 150 words by 25 October comp@newstatesman.co.uk

[Ann Drysdale]

Who's Harvey Cole?

[John Whitworth]

Dunno.

Don't you know it's rather rude
Going shopping in the nude,
Showing off your naughty bits,
Sending aunties into fits.
Can't you hear your Mummy say,
'Put that nasty thing away.
No-one is at all impressed.
You look so much nicer dressed.'
People shouldn't leave their houses
If they don't put on their trousis.
No-one wants to see your willy.
You are very, very silly.

[Brian Allgar]

Who's the naked rambler? (Don't bother, I'll do a search on the Internet.)

Very amusing, John. But I have to warn you that in my experience, the NS (unlike the Spectator) doesn't accept verse when they specify 150 words. No doubt you will tell me that it's because lefties don't understand poetry.

[Brian Allgar]

For the benefit of anyone else who didn't know:

Stephen Gough (born c. 1959), also known as Steve Gough and the Naked Rambler, is an activist, and a British former Royal Marine.[1] In 2003-2004, he walked the length of Great Britain naked. He did it again in 2005-2006, but was arrested in England and in Scotland. He subsequently spent six years in prison, having been repeatedly rearrested for public nudity within a short period, each time he was released. He has spent most of his sentences in Saughton and Perth prisons, in Scotland, but as of early October 2012 is currently in HM Prison Kilmarnock awaiting release shortly.

[John Whitworth]

It's because lefties don't understand poetry.

[Terese Coe]

Don't you know it's rather rude
Going shopping in the nude,
Showing off your naughty bits,
Sending aunties into fits.
Can't you hear your Mummy say,
'Put that nasty thing away.
No-one is at all impressed.
You look so much nicer dressed.'
People shouldn't leave their houses
If they don't put on their trousis.
No-one wants to see your willy.
You are very, very silly.

Love it, John! I take it this is the small child speaking.

[John Whitworth]

You've got it, Terese.

[Brian Allgar]

I have been asked to have a word with you in the hope that we can clear up certain misconceptions about the Bible, which I gather you use to justify your extraordinary behaviour.

While it is true that Adam and Eve were innocently naked until tempted by the Serpent, I’m afraid that the fact that you have never eaten an apple in your life does not, as you claim, give you immunity from Original Sin.

And Jesus never said “Let him among you who is without sin cast the first clout”. Nor did he say “Take off thy clothes and walk.”

I must tell you that your persistent refusal to cover yourself decently will be seen by many as the sin of pride, or at least of attention-seeking. And there too, I assure you that you are mistaken - God did not say “Let there be spotlights.”

[Brian Allgar]

Originally Posted by Ann Drysdale

Who's Harvey Cole?

Who indeed?

Assuming that it's an anagram, do we know anyone called Leo Vachery, Arch Loveye, Alec Hoyver, or Charley Voe?

Or Vera Choley, Chloe Avery, Rachel Yove or Eve Roachly?

Or even Clever O’Hay, Echo Y. Ravel or Yev Cholera?