[Jan Iwaszkiewicz]

We meet at 12.

The drizabone’s behind the door,
inclemency arrives.
I must decide, I must be sure
I’m in the nine of lives.

We meet at 12

The raincoat holds the shape of me
so can’t it go instead?
It holds the emptiness you see
that’s in my hands and head.

We meet at 12

The time moves slow with doomsday ticks
the pressure is obscene.
The raincoat of excuse should fix
or hide what I have been.

We meet at 12

I am articulate yet dumb.
There has to be an end.
I’ve always known this time will come
but wonder who they’ll send

to meet with me at 12.

[Jim Moonan]

.
Move over Emily! Take a hike T.S.! Get lost Larkin! I'll wear this one to meet my end at 12.

Before I go back and read it more closely, I wanted to at least register my excitement at having read this once and felt its finality.

Now I'll go back and pick through it. I'll be back.

.

[Julie Steiner]

Electric, Jan!

When I Googled "drizabone," I saw several usages like that, but apparently there is a Driza-Bone raincoat company that styles it that way. So I guess it's your choice, as in kleenex or coke vs. Kleenex or Coke (or google vs. Google, for that matter).

Though the language is more stark, the overall angst and ominousness of this reminds me of John Whitworth's "The Examiners." My hunch is that that's who is being sent to this rendezvous.

[Jan Iwaszkiewicz]

Thanks Julie

Drizabone as a brand has become the product and as with all products that are successful numerous copies appear uncapitalised.

Initially made with tall ship’s canvas and linseed oil they all still have the same predisposition to adopt the shape of the wearer on drying.

Regards

Jan

[Richard G]

Hi Jan,
is that a question at the end?
Terrific. My only complaint is that I would have liked an extra verse, it felt a little like a leap from 'have been' to 'articulate'.

RG.

[Susan McLean]

I like it. I think the last stanza is a statement about wondering, not a question. I had never heard of "drizabone," so its meaning did not register for me at first. My one suggestion is to make the last line the same as the other refrains.

Susan

[Julie Steiner]

Like Susan, I'd like to see the final refrain remain the same. I think it would underscore the feeling of inevitability.

I really, really love this. You've captured the void so well, throughout.

One of the things I like best is that it leaves the reader to wonder if "We meet at 12" means midnight or High Noon — both of which have multiple ominous resonances in popular culture. The ambiguity lets you exploit all of those.

[Erik Olson]

Jan,

I love this! Every word holds its weight. The repetend reinforces the impression of time's inevitable appointment ahead. The speaker aptly uses the raincoat as a stand-in for his self.

The raincoat holds the shape of me
so can’t it go instead?
It holds the emptiness you see
that’s in my hands and head.

Drizabone is a juicy word; it sounds like dry as a bone. I don't mind one exotic word in the poem (at least it is to me), especially when the rest of the diction is rather simple, in a good way. These are just my initial thoughts.

Best,
Erik

[Alex Pepple]

Hello, Jan,

This is delightfully off-kilter and charged with an ominous inevitability. Once drizabone is deciphered (thank you, Google!), the poem falls neatly into place—its mix of dark humor and existential dread works well. The repetition of We meet at 12 builds tension effectively, and the raincoat motif is particularly strong in how it holds absence, excuse, and fate all at once.

A sharp, unsettling piece—well done, Jan!

Cheers,
…Alex

[Jan Iwaszkiewicz]

Thanks Richard always nice when someone wants more.

Thanks Susan both you and Julie have me thinking about that change.

I hear you Julie I am three quarters of the way there.

Thank you Erik your words are appreciated as always.

Thank you Alex I am glad it appealed

Regards and thanks

Jan