[Jan Iwaszkiewicz]

What a Holy Show
and her all pregnant with death
and the fool full of laughter
with his snot like ropes
and her mother in bed
with the pains in her head
and the sheets pulled up to her chin.

What a Holy Show,
a chook’s in the kitchen
with a snake and a squawk
and the duck’s done a runner
and the pig’s got the shits
and her Dad’s dead drunk
and the drought goes on.
Trees are chasing the dog.

What a Holy Show.
Sodden with sweat
with wind at her back,
she looks to the west
and worries the lump,
blind in her breast.
The letter she grips
is hard as stone
breaking through her fist.

[Julie Steiner]

I really, really like this. It's told from the protagonist's perspective of shock, but in a realistically distancing/dissociative way, as if she's just a spectator casting judgment on the breathless accumulation of "and"s in the first two stanzas, but not personally involved until the single "and" in the final stanza, and the disintegration at the end. (Although still just observing even then!)

At first I was going to advise you to regularize the three "What a Holy Show"s, punctuation-wise, but on second thought I really like the progression:

What a Holy Show

to

What a Holy Show,

to

What a Holy Show.


Very minor nits:

I wonder if "Holy Show" needs to be capitalized, but maybe it does to have the proper weight and majesty.

I'm pretty sure "her Dad" doesn't need to be capitalized, since "her mother" didn't.

[R. Nemo Hill]

I like it also, Jan.
It has such a texture. It seems to be physically present when I read it.

One possibility, maybe the title doesn't need to repeat the whole repetend, maybe just A Holy Show would be better.

Nemo

[Carl Copeland]

I really like this too, Jan. I love the way the nursery-rhymish light meter and short lines contrast with a modern tragedy, and I love the Bob-Dylanesque litany of incongruous items.

I agree with Julie about “dad” and “holy show.” Since the latter is an idiom (a new one for me), I think it should be lowercased unless, for some reason, you’re emphasizing the holiness of the scene.

[John Riley]

Great one, Jan

[Jan Iwaszkiewicz]

Hi Julie,
I am glad that you like it. I had not noticed the punctuation progression until you pointed it out, it just organically occurred but you’re right I think it should stay. Many here have justifiably pointed out my cavalier attitude to them little marks.


The use of mother and dad, mother is a biological term and a distancing one whereas Dad is sentimental and close. When I wrote this I had always envisaged her lack of sympathy with the mother and her sorrowing for the father. This of course impacts on her loneliness.

Hi Nemo,

I hear you but the phrase was always complete, a complete shemozzle with a touch of societal cringe.

That being said I am generally woeful in titling.

Hi Carl,

Thank you please see my responses above.

Thanks John.

[Jim Moonan]

.
Although a close reading often will (should) convey a story that is grounded in experience, I am always quick to apply my own interpretation and often gravitate towards any resemblance to current events, etc.

This poem drew me immediately in for the latter reason. It provides just the right tone and milieu to be something of an allegory for the times we live in. It is indeed a Holy Show.

I like what Julie picked up on with the progression of the punctuation that follows each of the "What a Holy Show"'s. It really does progressively ratchet down each stanza.

I like it, too, for its relentless cadence and slog of dark emotion. I can almost hear something in the background; I don't know what. It could be ambient sounds. And it has a smell to it, too, I think. It could very well be a narrative script for a short three-scene vignette across a large, dark stage in three distinct pools of light. You've got me going...

A visceral read.

.

[Jan Iwaszkiewicz]

Thanks Jim,

Although why should I be thanking someone who tells me my poetry smells. LOL

That this piece could evoke physical responses from both you and Nemo is incredibly gratifying. This was worked with the place, story and people firmly conflated and in mind. The phrase ‘What a Holy Show’ is an Irish/Australian one of limited distribution. The setting a hamlet in the Blue Mountains, the language and format is used to reflect that. The protagonist a conflation but primarily a woman I knew who had been the ‘Postie’ delivering mail on horseback. The cancer occurring a few times within the in-laws of my first marriage which gives the piece its authenticity.

You know Jim I have not sought the allegorical possibilities but I can see them after you mention this and if so it is all subliminally arrived at. Starts up a couple of paths.

[David Callin]

I like this too, Jan. I love its raw rollicking energy. There's an Australian term that doesn't come to mind at the moment. I hope it will later.

The longer last line in each verse is very effective.

Originally Posted by Carl Copeland

love the Bob-Dylanesque litany of incongruous items.

Yes. Absolutely. With all the "with" and "and" I found it was "Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands" that kept coming to mind, but with a touch of "Subterranean Homesick Blues" too.

Cheers

David

[Carl Copeland]

Originally Posted by David Callin

With all the "with" and "and" I found it was "Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands" that kept coming to mind, but with a touch of "Subterranean Homesick Blues" too.

We’re on the same wavelength here for sure, David. I listened to both those songs right after reading this poem.