[Alex Pepple]

Through a Gilded Mirror


I passed the past along a gilded hall—
Bedecked in silk, not recognizing me—
The years between us looming like a wall
Of calendars with worn dates hard to see.
I fought the urge to chase this chance event,
So memory could play its forgetting plot,
My steps on marbled gleam grew in ascent
To futures that the present hadn't sought.
The lobby light lacquered her common face
With champagne glow it hadn't earlier known,
As though these years had dressed her in a grace
More radiant than the aspect she had shown.
I turned the corner, certain in my stride,
That looking back awakened a riptide.

Though looking back awakens a riptide,
And something in me falters in my stride,
Have I forgotten radiance she had shown,
Now crowned with candlelight's revealing grace?
Her presence, familiar and yet unknown,
Our shared timeline shines, oblique, on her face.
The present hoards the futures I once sought,
My halting steps abate in a descent
Where memories diverged and missed the plot—
Two different clocks and one shared chance event,
New calendar dates that neither can see,
The years between us crumbling like a wall.
Her profile, sudden, recognizing me,
Silk slips past me along the gilded hall.

[Glenn Wright]

Hi, Alex—

I like how the two sonnet stanzas “reflect” each other, with the second stanza presenting the last words of each line in reverse order. It reminds me of James A. Lindon’s poem, “Doppelgänger.”

On first reading, I couldn’t decide which of three ways to read the poem:
1. as a story about a chance encounter with an old lover not seen for many years
2. as a ghost story
3. as a memory triggered by the N’s return to a place meaningful to him and his lover.

I decided it didn’t matter. The focus is on the fragility and unreliability of memory and our inability to recapture the lost past.

A few nits:
1. S1L6 is a bit awkward. How about something like, “So memory could rewrite the tangled plot”?
2. S1L9– “common” suggests not only that she is ordinary-looking, but also unrefined. Is this your intent?
3. S2L5–The meter could be improved by one of these fixes: “Her presence was familiar, yet unknown,” or “Her presence, commonplace and yet unknown,”
4. S2L11–I scan this as tetrameter: (spondee, anapest, iamb, anapest). You can fix it by changing “neither” to “neither one.” (spondee, anapest, iamb, iamb, iamb).

Enjoyed it!

Glenn

[Jan Iwaszkiewicz]

Hi Alex,

This is the Baroque rendered into verse. Not to my taste consequently I can offer nothing of help but I applaud your skill.

This structure and rhyme scheme must be the devil to work with.

Regards,

Jan

[Richard G]

Hi Alex,
some species of mirror poem, with hints of 'Sliding Doors'? Like Jan I applaud the skill, but I don't feel it flows as well as it might, and for me the biggest problem is 'riptide' (which doesn't seem to fit at all.)

1/L1 - gilded - so soon after the title is a let-down.
1/L2 - 'bedecked' - that hard /k/ is a bit of a jolt, perhaps 'arrayed' or 'awash'?
1/L4 - 'calendars feels a bit pedestrian in the circumstances, 'almanacs'? (Though it does work in the second section.)
1/L6 - 'play' (how does one play a plot?)
1/L7 - 'steps/grew/ascent' - if you mean 'grew louder' there must be a better way to express this.
My steps on marbled gleam in their ascent
Grew to futures the present hadn't sought
?
1/L10 - confused by 'with' - given 'lobby light lacquered' why not face, / A champagne ... ?
1/L13-14 - here's where it falls apart, for me.

2/L3 - Not sure about 'Have I ...'
How had I forgot her radiance shown,
?
2/L6 - 'timeline' feels far too contemporary.
Through a Gilded Mirror
2/9 - 'missed the plot' seems like a wrong note.
2/13 - how does a profile recognise something?


RG.