[Glenn Wright]

Everness
by Jorge Luis Borges

Only one thing is not. Oblivion.
God, who saves the metal, saves the waste.
Moons that will be and those that were displaced,
He codes in memory for His revelation.

All is now. The thousands of reflections
which, between the dawn and dusk of day,
your face was leaving in the mirrors’ collections
and those it still keeps leaving on display.

And everything is part of that diverse
crystal of memory, the universe;
its taxing passageways make no surrenders

and doors close firmly as you make your way;
only once past the sunset will you survey
and understand the Archetypes and Splendors.
————————
Edits:
S1L1: one thing is not. It is oblivion. > There’s just one thing that’s not. Oblivion > Only one thing is not. Oblivion
S1L2: God, who saves the metal, saves the ore > God, who saves the metal, saves the waste.
S1L3 > S1L4: and codes in memory for His revelation > He codes in memory for His revelation.
S1L4 > S1L3: moons that will be, and those that were before. > Moons that will be and those that were displaced,
S2L1: All is now. A thousand reflected pictures > All is now. The thousands of reflections
S2L3: your face has long been leaving in the mirrors > your face was leaving in the mirrors’ collections
S2L4: and those it still keeps putting on display. > and those it still keeps leaving on display.
S4L1: and doors shut tight behind you as you flee; > and doors close firmly as you make your way;
S4L2: only from sunset’s other side you’ll see > from sunset’s other side you will survey > only once past the sunset will you survey


Original Spanish (from “ ‘Everness’: Una Clave para el Mundo Borgiano” Revista Iberoamericana 53:100, July 1977. Liverpool UP. 629.)

Sólo una cosa no hay. Es el olvido.
Dios, que salva el metal, salva la escoria
Y cifra en Su profética memoria
Las lunas que serán y las que han sido.

Ya todo está. Los miles de reflejos
Que entre los dos crepúsculos del día
Tu rostro fue dejando en los espejos
Y los que irá dejando todavía.

Y todo es una parte del diverso
Cristal de esa memoria, el universo;
No tienen fin sus arduos corredores

Y las puertas se cierran a tu paso;
Sólo del otro lado del ocaso
Verás los Arquetipos y Esplendores.



Crib

Only one thing is not. It is oblivion.
God, who saves the metal, saves the waste/slag
and codes into His prophetic memory
the moons that will be and those that have been.

Everything is already. The thousands of reflections
which, between the two twilights of the day
your face had been leaving in the mirrors
and those which you will still be leaving.

And everything is a part of the diverse
crystal of that memory, the universe;
its difficult passageways have no end

and the doors close at your passing;
only from the other side of the sunset
will you see the Archetypes and Splendors.

[Roger Slater]

It's a very fine translation. Well done.

[Susan McLean]

It looks good to me, though I don't know Spanish. Here are a few suggestions:
L1--Only one thing is not: oblivion.
L3--and codes in permanent prophetic vision
L8--and those you will be putting on display.
L10--crystalline memory, the universe;

Susan

[Glenn Wright]

Hi, Roger and Susan—

Thanks for your positive responses. Sorry to have posted this on the wrong board.

I appreciate your approval, Roger. I have seen some of your translations from Spanish. You are an experienced and very skillful translator. I thought about transposing S1L3 and S1L4 in order to preserve the original rhyme scheme, but it introduces an inversion. Here is the revised first stanza:

One thing is not. It is oblivion
God, who saves the metal, saves the ore.
Moons that will be and those that were before
He codes in memory for His revelation.

Your thoughts?

Glenn

[Carl Copeland]

Hi, Glen. I’ve been playing hooky from the Sphere as you know (thanks again for inquiring), but I can’t resist a good translation. My only nits are a few mostly rhyme-driven deviations from the original—not obviously rhyme-driven, but for that reason hard to tweak:

- “Ore” got me thinking about the distinction between a product and its raw material (essence), whereas “slag” feeds into the Christian theme of redemption of the rejected and imperfect.

- I’m not sure whether “revelation” (rather than “prophetic”) is misleading or not, but Susan has mentioned it, so I’ll say no more.

- “Everything is already” sounds more world-weary (“nothing new under the sun”) than the New Agey “All is now.” Logically, there’s little or no difference, so no big deal.

- A passageway that makes no surrenders is poetic, but I’d never have guessed it was endless. Interpretation is one thing, but translating clarity into enigma is another. BTW, does “corredor” in Spanish have the greater poetic potential that “passageway” does in English?

“Flee” (rather than “pass”) gives a panicky feel to the last stanza and makes us wonder what fear is involved. “At last” might work as a rhyme for “pass” as long as it doesn’t sound fillery.

In any event, it’s a lovely translation of a lovely poem.

[Glenn Wright]

Hi, Carl—

Great to hear from you! Thanks so much for responding to this piece.

Originally Posted by Carl Copeland

- “Ore” got me thinking about the distinction between a product and its raw material (essence), whereas “slag” feeds into the Christian theme of redemption of the rejected and imperfect.

The Bible makes dozens of references to God’s use of fire/suffering to refine and purify his sinful people. I felt that Borges was less focused on the fire/suffering theme and more focused on the idea that “God saves the metal (His chosen ones), and saves the ore (the leftovers=the rest of us).” I thought his point was to emphasize the immensity and inclusiveness of the mind of God.

- I’m not sure whether “revelation” (rather than “prophetic”) is misleading or not, but Susan has mentioned it, so I’ll say no more.

A “prophet,” strictly speaking, is a “spokesperson for God.” It seemed to me that God allows us access to His mind as an act of self-revelation rather than of prophecy.

- “Everything is already” sounds more world-weary (“nothing new under the sun”) than the New Agey “All is now.” Logically, there’s little or no difference, so no big deal.

I liked the suddenness of “All is now” to emphasize the contrast between God’s apprehension of the universe in eternity in which everything is experienced simultaneously, like a photo album or film in which all photos or frames are seen at once, and our human apprehension in time in which each moment must be experienced separately and (because we cannot go back in time) the doors close firmly behind us. I also thought that using “está” instead of “es” underscored the temporary, impermanent quality of human experience.

- A passageway that makes no surrenders is poetic, but I’d never have guessed it was endless. Interpretation is one thing, but translating clarity into enigma is another. BTW, does “corredor” in Spanish have the greater poetic potential that “passageway” does in English?

I’m not aware of any connotations attached to “corredor.” I struggled with this line and finally decided that “arduos” suggested that our exploration of the crystal maze that is the universe and the mind of God is game-like. This labyrinth challenges us to understand it and gives up no clues. Ironically, we will understand it after our death, on the other side of sunset—rather like receiving the Beatific Vision.

“Flee” (rather than “pass”) gives a panicky feel to the last stanza and makes us wonder what fear is involved. “At last” might work as a rhyme for “pass” as long as it doesn’t sound fillery.

Again, I may be asking “arduos” to do more than its share of work, but I thought that the exploration of the crystal mind of God, since it has a time limit—our lifespan—included some urgency.

I really appreciate your perceptive and well-considered thoughts and suggestions. Thanks again!

Glenn

[Roger Slater]

I think that changing "dross" into "ore" undermines the meaning quite a bit. Dross is the waste product after the metal is extracted from the ore, as you know, so it's hard to make sense of the line as translated. As with cake, you can't smelt your ore and have it too.

Here's a suggestion that I'm not entirely happy with, since it uses a slant rhyme, but it may be worth considering. And I've thrown in another suggestion for L1, which you can have for no extra charge:

There's just one thing that's not. Oblivion.
God, who saves the metal, saves the dross
and codes in memory for His revelation
moons that will be, and moons that will be lost.

PS-- I have a further suggestion. Change "revelation" to "retention," which I think suits the meaning better and also is a step closer to being a rhyme for "oblivion," though still not very near.
.
.

[Glenn Wright]

Hi, Roger—

I see your point. (Nice pun with “undermines,” BTW.) The English word “ore” means the mineral matrix with the valuable metal included in it. The Spanish word “escoria” means the waste left after the valuable metal has been extracted. I will adjust accordingly. Good catch!

I like the improved meter you suggested for S1L1. Susan suggested something similar.

I will also try using an ABBA rhyme scheme in the first quatrain as in the original.

Thanks for your careful and helpful critique.

Glenn

[Susan McLean]

Glenn, I think "flee" has the wrong overtones. What about "go/know" as rhymes in L12/L13?

Susan

[Glenn Wright]

Originally Posted by Susan McLean

Glenn, I think "flee" has the wrong overtones. What about "go/know" as rhymes in L12/L13?

Hi, Susan—

You and Carl both saw a problem with “flee.” The problem with “go/know” is that “know” and “understand” mean the same thing. I went with “make your way/survey.” On one hand, I regret not including “sólo” in the translation, but I think it’s clear enough that the epiphany will occur “only” post-mortem. On the other hand, I like “survey,” which suggests taking in a very broad expanse, perhaps from a distant, elevated vantage point.

Thanks for your helpful responses.

Glenn