[Glenn Wright]

In Book 2 of Vergil’s Aeneid, Aeneas tell Dido about the Trojan Horse that the Greeks used to invade Troy. Laocoön warns the Trojans about the Greeks’ treachery, but he is ignored.

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Aeneid, Book 2, 40-55
by Publius Vergilius Maro

There, leading all, surrounded by a crowd,
Laocoön ran from the citadel, fiery-browed:
“What madness, wretched citizens, is this?
You think the foe is gone? Or that his gifts
would not hold traps? Isn’t that Ulysses’ fame?
Either Greeks are hidden in this wooden frame,
or else it’s meant to attack our city’s wall,
to crush our homes, or hide what tricks befall.
Trojans, don’t trust the horse, whatever it is.
I fear the Greeks, even when they bear gifts.”
So saying, gathering himself with all his might,
he flung a hefty spear and watched its flight
into the monster’s side, through its curved womb.
The shaft stuck, trembling, echoing with doom
in the hollow construction, bringing forth a groan.
Had the gods’ adverse decree been overthrown,
he would have shed Greek blood in the sacred lair,
and you, Troy, Priam’s high fort, would now stand fair.
————————
Edits:
L2: Laocoön ran from the citadel, fiery-browed, > Laocoön ran from the citadel, fiery-browed:
L8: to crush our homes, or hide what will befall. > to crush our homes, or hide what tricks befall.
L12: he hurled an enormous spear and watched its flight > he flung a fearsome spear and watched its flight > he flung a hefty spear and watched its flight
L16: If the gods’ adverse decree were overthrown, > Had the gods’ adverse decree been overthrown,
L18: and now, Troy, Priam’s high fort, you would stand fair. > and you, Troy, Priam’s high fort, would now stand fair.

Original Latin
(from Perseus Project)

Aeneid, Liber II, 40-55
Publi Vergili Maronis

Primus ibi ante omnis, magna comitante caterva,
Laocoön ardens summa decurrit ab arce,
et procul: “O miseri, quae tanta insania, cives?
Creditis avectos hostis? Aut ulla putatis
dona carere dolis Danaum? Sic notus Ulixes?
aut hoc inclusi ligno occultantur Achivi,
aut haec in nostros fabricata est machina muros
inspectura domos venturaque desuper urbi,
aut aliquis latet error; equo ne credite, Teucri.
Quicquid id est, timeo Danaos et dona ferentis.”
Sic fatus, validis ingentem viribus hastam
in latus inque feri curvam compagibus alvum
contorsit: stetit illa tremens, uteroque recusso
insonuere cavae gemitumque dedere cavernae.
Et, si fata deum, si mens non laeva fuisset,
impulerat ferro Argolicas foedare latebras,
Troiaque, nunc stares, Priamique arx alta maneres.


Crib:

First there before all, accompanied by a large crowd,
Laocoön, burning [with anger] ran down from the top of the citadel,
and [spoke] from far away, “O, wretched citizens, what is such madness?
Do you believe the enemy to have sailed away? Or do you think that
any gifts of the Greeks lack tricks? Is Ulysses famous for that?
Either the enclosed Acheans are hidden by this wood,
or this machine was made to attack our city wall,
to look over them and to come down upon the houses in the city,
or some disaster hides [in it]; Do not trust the horse, Trojans.
Whatever it is, I fear the Greeks, even bearing gifts.”
So saying, with powerful strength he hurled a huge spear
into the side of the jointed construction and into the monster’s curved belly:
it stuck, trembling, and in the echoing womb,
the empty hollow places resounded and gave up a groan.
And if the decrees/fates of the gods, if their intention had not been unfavorable/on the left side,
he would have driven us to attack the Greeks with iron, polluting their hiding place.
And Troy, you would stand now; the high citadel would remain for Priam.

[Carl Copeland]

Lovely, Glenn. I’ve always had a soft spot for the Trojans, so I expected to like this and was not disappointed. You’ve condensed the original, but done it well, I think, and the rhymed pentameter couplets—a sort of English alexandrine—seem suitably dignified for the subject.

A few thoughts:

I think you probably need a colon at the end of L2 to introduce the indirect speech that follows.

It may be another of my perverse misreadings, but I understood “or hide what will befall” to mean that a disaster would befall the city and the horse would somehow hide that.

How about “hefty” in place of “enormous”? “Enormous” sounds almost like he’s hurling a log.

Even though the shaft stuck, “bringing forth a groan” gave me the impression that someone inside had been struck, and I wondered why that didn’t give the game away. The original, by specifying what groaned—“the empty, hollow places”—is clearer.

How about: “Had the gods’ adverse decree been overthrown.”

Is the horse ever referred to as “sacred”? Or are you assuming that if it could be polluted, it must be sacred? Would you consider another word like “secret”?

The last line would be metrically more pleasing to me as: “and you, Troy, Priam’s high fort, would now stand fair.”

“Fort” hardly does justice to the topless towers of Ilium, but what else will fit a one-syllable slot other than “town”?

[Glenn Wright]

Hi, Carl—

Thanks for the suggestions (almost all of which I used) and encouragement.

Glenn

Originally Posted by Carl Copeland

I think you probably need a colon at the end of L2 to introduce the indirect speech that follows. Done.

It may be another of my perverse misreadings, but I understood “or hide what will befall” to mean that a disaster would befall the city and the horse would somehow hide that. The Latin word “error” often means exactly what it does in English, but it comes from the verb, “erro/errare” which means “to wander/stray.” We see this in words like “errand” and “knight errant.” Thus is means “a straying from what is expected or planned/a trick.” I put “trick” in to make this clearer.

How about “hefty” in place of “enormous”? “Enormous” sounds almost like he’s hurling a log. I like “hefty,” but I decided to use /f/ alliteration in this line to imitate the “fffft” sound of a swift projectile flying toward its goal. (Ovid used this device in the Metamorphoses Book 1, 466-476 to imitate the sound of Cupid’s arrows fired at Daphne and Apollo.). Edit: On second thought, I decided I like “hefty,” which also has /f/ /t/ alliteration.

Even though the shaft stuck, “bringing forth a groan” gave me the impression that someone inside had been struck, and I wondered why that didn’t give the game away. The original, by specifying what groaned—“the empty, hollow places”—is clearer. Most translators explain the “gemitus” (which means “groan”) as the creaking of the struck timber. It seems just as likely to me that the Greeks, believing themselves to be under attack, would groan in dismay. Since the gods have decreed that the horse trick will work and Troy will fall, the Trojans hearing the groans would have no more effect on them than Laocoön’s or Cassandra’s predictions of disaster.

How about: “Had the gods’ adverse decree been overthrown.” Done

Is the horse ever referred to as “sacred”? Or are you assuming that if it could be polluted, it must be sacred? Would you consider another word like “secret”? I’m hanging “sacred” on the word “foedare,” which means “to pollute/desecrate.” Since the horse was consecrated to Minerva, it is a sacred object, so shedding blood on or in it would be sacrilege. I like the irony of Laocoön, a devout priest of Neptune, being so upset by the Greek treachery that he throws a lethal weapon at a consecrated object and—if the gods had not prevented him from being able to attack the Greeks—he would “cut their throats i’ the church” (to paraphrase Laertes in Hamlet). It may be that his throwing of the spear so offended Minerva that she later sends two sea serpents to kill Laocoön and his sons. (spoiler alert: this scene from the Aeneid will be my next translation.)

The last line would be metrically more pleasing to me as: “and you, Troy, Priam’s high fort, would now stand fair.” Done.

“Fort” hardly does justice to the topless towers of Ilium, but what else will fit a one-syllable slot other than “town”?

. The Latin word “arx” means “acropolis/citadel/fortress/castle” and could, by metonymy, mean “capital” or even “empire.” Most translators fudge it as “tower(s).” I’m trying to stay as close as I can to the literal meaning. Notice that this word also appears in line 2. “Ab arce” means “from the upper, more easily defended acropolis where temples, palaces, and government buildings are located.” Vergil was thinking of Rome’s Capitoline Hill.