[Susan McLean]

She Wears an Opera Cape to Junior High

Was she brought up by Martians? No, just odd.
She hasn't had a friend since second grade,
which means she's flying blind. She wears her father's
dog tags as a necklace, wears her mother's
medieval-looking belt. She's trying on
identities. She wears a hand-me-down
green satin cocktail dress to her first dance.
She's twelve. No boy comes near her even once.
She tries side-parting like Veronica Lake.
Wearing that cowbell, though, was a mistake
she doesn't make again. Why advertise
that she's a social leper? Still, she tries.


Revisions:
L4 "dog tags" was "dogtags"
L9 "side-parting" was "a side part"
L11 "make" was "try"

[Max Goodman]

There's a lot to like here, Susan, including this adorable misfit.

Though I know it's the cowbell she doesn't try again, for this reader the enjambment, and its placement at the beginning of the closing couplet make "she doesn't try again" stand on its own as a secondary reading, clashing with the end.

FWIW.

[Susan McLean]

Thanks, Max. I have changed "try" to "make" in order to avoid the misreading.

Susan

[Glenn Wright]

Hi, Susan—

Having taught seventh grade, I have felt exasperated compassion for kiddos just like her.
I’m wondering how the N is connected to the girl who is the subject of the poem. The first line is a remark that someone seeing her for the first time might make. But the N is intimately enough informed about her and her family to be able to tell us about her lack of friends since second grade and knows the owner of each poorly chosen article of attire. The N is also old enough to know about Veronica Lake and her distinctive coiffure. I’m guessing a teacher who also happens to be acquainted with her family?

The last line had me wondering what she is trying. Is she trying not to be a social leper and to fit in, or is she deliberately trying to sabotage herself, using her originality as an excuse for her unpopularity: “They just don’t get me.”

I enjoyed the quirky humor.

Glenn

[Matt Q]

Hi Susan,

I enjoyed this, it's very visual: the imagery is strong and concrete, and I find myself rooting for this girl. Her lack of friends and lack of understanding of social norms -- and slow trial-and-error at trying to figure them out -- have me wondering if she's autistic. As to the N's relationship to the girl, I tend to read it as the N talking about a younger version of herself. A well-meaning adult narrator would likely try to intervene and help, I think, and would have less access to her thoughts/intentions.

"Was she brought up by Martians?" is a strong opening. I did wonder if it's more effective not to answer the question, though. Maybe you could fit a second option into the space left.

I guess "side part" is an Americanism? I was aware Veronica Lake was an actress, so I'd read it as meaning something like "supporting role", a "side role": arguably the girl is doing something like acting -- trying to pass/mask. I'm now thinking it's a side parting (as we'd call it) in her hair. Unless I'm missing something, a side parting isn't especially odd. Maybe taking Victoria Lake as role model -- and knowing who she is -- is odd for a twelve-year old? I guess it would be in 2024, though given that I'm reading this as set in the past, it didn't strike me as especially so.

I wasn't all in on "social leper", I think it because it's cliché, though I can see that you're playing with it -- that it works with the bell around the neck -- and I like that idea. Maybe you don't need "social"? I think we'd still get the intent without it.

Like Glenn, I wonder at "still she tries" following that question, it does kind of read like she's trying to be a social leper, though I can see that that isn't the intention.

best,

Matt

[Richard G]

Hi Susan,

another one cheering on the little girl (who I assume is the narrator's younger self. Most of the style references feel like they are from at least a generation ago, Veronica Lake even more so, so there's nothing that makes it feel contemporary. Though her situation feels timeless.)

I too stumbled at "odd" - I'd rather make my own mind up. Besides if 'odd' then what follows seems a bit 'so what?'

I wasn't too troubled by the ambiguity of the final "tries" (and wondered what she sported next), more so that it's a repetition of the word (L9) which rather robs it of some weight, for me.

Just curious: first dance at twelve? Is that a thing?

RG.

[Susan McLean]

Thanks for the additional suggestions and responses.

Glenn, as Matt and Richard guessed, this is a self-portrait from a long time ago, told in the third person because that person feels very remote from the speaker. She learned about Veronica Lake from old movies. The "still" in the last line was supposed to convey both "in spite of that" and "continually." She's trying to be stylish and attractive without any clear idea of what that means and using just hand-me-downs and things scavenged from closets and dressers.

I'll respond to other comments later.

Susan

[Susan McLean]

Matt, I thought about taking out the reply to the question about Martians. Right now, I am keeping it because the speaker, who is also the girl, knows the answer now, or thinks she does. I have tried rewording the bit about the "side part." I am also keeping "social leper" for now because "leper" felt too stark. It doesn't worry me if the reader is a bit confused about what she is trying to do. So is the girl.

Richard, the repetitions of "she wears" and "she tries" were intentional, to show repeated actions. It does seem bizarre in retrospect that the junior high held regular dances for kids who were 12-14. But it did. Maybe it was a sign of the times (mid-Sixties) when few girls were expected to have careers and many got married right out of high school.

Susan