[Glenn Wright]

Warning: This post contains suicidal ideation and may be disturbing to some readers.

Version 2

Sarco-Pod

Sleek as a bobsled the lethal case
emerges from a 3D printer.
It locks me in a cool embrace—
liquid nitrogen’s kiss of winter.

A placid voice inquires if I
understand that my transition,
when I push the button to die,
is an irreversible decision.

Religion, law, or family can’t
usurp my choice of life or death.
They have no power to stay or grant
the timing of my final breath.

So let the velvet of forever
rush softly by and usher me
out of time into whatever
waits in still eternity.


Version 1

Sarco-Pod

You just don’t understand. You can’t
decide my choice of life or death.
You have no power to stay or grant
the timing of my final breath.

My life is mine. I’ve lived it well.
This will be my last adventure.
I want to break this fragile shell.
I do not fear society’s censure.

Nor do I owe an explanation
to you or some authority.
Oblivion, perhaps damnation—
who knows what lies in store for me?

          ***

Sleek as a bobsled, the lethal case
Emerges from a 3D printer.
It locks me in a cool embrace—
liquid nitrogen’s kiss of winter.

A placid voice inquires if I
understand that my transition,
when I push the button to die,
is an irreversible decision.

Let the velvet of forever
rush softly by and usher me
out of time into whatever
waits in still eternity.
————————
Edits:
S3L3: Heaven, oblivion, damnation— > Oblivion, perhaps damnation—


https://www.nbcnews.com/world/switze...sts-rcna172606

[Hilary Biehl]

Glenn, this poem feels stilted and cliched to me. I can't tell that it's adding anything to the conversation about assisted suicide, and on a purely linguistic level, there's not much to hold my interest.

I think the biggest problem I am having is that it doesn't feel like there is anything truly at stake. It feels as if the writer is wearing a persona that they don't really connect with, aren't invested in. You might actually have very strong feelings or connections with this topic, but it isn't coming through in the poem, I think.

[Glenn Wright]

Hi, Hilary—

Thanks for weighing in. I wonder if using first person was a mistake. I absolutely do not identify with the N in the piece, but apparently I didn’t make that clear. I wonder if approaching it from the POV of a relative or close friend of the would-be pod user might work.

While I do not agree with the N’s argument in S1-3, I find it difficult to pass judgment on someone contemplating suicide who is in constant physical or emotional pain. The concern I wanted to explore in this piece is the ethics of a product like the Sarco-Pod, produced commercially and promoted by its manufacturers as a romanticized and glamorous way to end one’s life. Maybe presenting it as an advertisement for the Sarco-Pod would work.

This may be one of those poems that really wants to be a short story or an essay. I seem to have a lot of those lately.

I appreciate your honest, constructive, and helpful critique. Welcome to the ‘Sphere!

Glenn

[Hilary Biehl]

Thanks for the welcome! I appreciate it.

Just to clarify, I didn't think that you were - or should be - identifying with the N in any simplistic sense. It's more that it felt to me like an exercise. Maybe you need to dig deeper into why you want to write this particular poem?

[Marshall Begel]

Hi, Glenn
I'll stay out of the "why" of the poem. It's new tech in an old debate, and I can't say I've seen it discussed so well in verse.

Contrary to S6, I think there's a 'purge' button that can be pressed by anyone conscious enough to have second thoughts.

I know you like to substitute, but even so I have trouble with:
Heaven, oblivion, damnation—

Maybe,
Oblivion, perhaps damnation—

[Glenn Wright]

Hi, Marshall—

Thanks for the excellent suggestion for S3L3 and for sharing your thoughts on this piece.
I hadn’t heard about the “purge” button, but it certainly sounds like a good idea.
I read that the UK will be voting on legalizing assisted suicide next week.

Glenn

[Julie Steiner]

Hi, Glenn!

The first half knows exactly what it wants to say and it says it straightforwardly. There's no sense of surprise or discovery. So it's failing to activate my "I am in a poem" response, despite the rhyme and meter.

My "I am in a poem" response begins at the halfway mark, so I wish the actual poem did, too. I'd advise cutting those first three stanzas and letting the reader figure out in S2 that the context is suicide.

Cheers,
Julie

[Glenn Wright]

Hi, Julie—

Your suggestion is excellent. I had mistakenly thought that addressing the reader in second person as a friend or relative who is trying to talk the N out of his or her decision to commit suicide would heighten the reader’s interest in the scenario. This is a case where adding drama subtracts poetry. Thank you for the perceptive and helpful advice.

Glenn

[Roger Slater]

I'd consider going a bit further and losing what is now your first stanza, and starting with the placid voice. (And if you agree to that, I may or may not return to suggest eliminating one more stanza. At any rate, the final two stanzas could stand alone, and a case could be made to let them).

[Glenn Wright]

Hi, Roger—

In the six months I have been workshopping my poems here, I have discovered a pattern. I tend to overwrite my first drafts—either because of an obsessive need to fill the blanks in an established verse form, or from the lack of a clearly limited poetic mission. Most of the good advice that I get takes the form of suggestions to cut words (like unnecessary adjectives) lines, or stanzas—sometimes to drastically amputate whole sections of the piece.

I’m reminded of Stephen King’s short story, “Survivor Type,” where the castaway protagonist survives by auto-cannibalism, starting with a shattered and useless foot and ending by amputating and consuming his own left hand. (“Ladyfingers they taste just like ladyfingers. . .)
As painful as it can be to murder my darlings, it is often the only way for my poems to survive.

I will consider your suggestion, Roger, but I want the focus of this piece to be on the questionable morality of marketing sleek, appealing suicide machines to suicidal customers. I can’t do that without the first stanza. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. You are helping me to clarify my poetic mission.

Glenn